Even if Saving You Sends Me to Heaven
by midnightquiver
Summary: Something's out to kill Bonnie when she's already on the edge of death itself.Who'll be there to save her from herself when everything crashes down.There is abuse,rape etc.in her so it's pretty intense.The story better than the summary.
1. Reflections and Nightmares

**Well a lot of people have done the Bamon and Delena thing I figured it would be interesting to see some Stonnie**

**P.S I don not own the Vampire Diaries just the storyline**

~Bonnie~

"_You belong here Bonnie. You know you do." It whispered in my ear_

"_No."_

"_Yes. This is the place for the lost and you my dear are certainly among the many lost." _

_I turned to face the person talking in my ear but there was nobody there._

"_Don't worry though you're not the only one I'm after."_

_Then all of the sudden I felt a sharp pain run right through my side causing a scream to rip through me. I looked down to see a knife in my side. _

"_Bonnie! Bonnie wake up!"_

"Bonnie! Bonnie wake up!"

I bolted up right in cold sweat. I looked over to notice Damon sitting outside my window. Getting up too quick I felt dizzy and hit the floor.

"Bonnie!" he said as he burst through the window to my side

"What-what are you doing here Damon?"

"Elena said to keep an eye on you." He answered

"Of course she did." I muttered "How'd you get in here anyways? I've never invited you in."

"I'm human now so I don't need your invitation."

"So I see breaking and entering never escaped your mind then."

He smirked at the comment. Then picked me up off the floor and laid me down on the bed.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked

"And you would care whether I was okay or not why?" I asked skeptically

"Honestly? I don't but I have to tell Elena something." He said

I hit him in the arm and got up and headed into the bathroom. He went to follow but I shut the door in his face. I sighed looking into the mirror at the ghostly figure. This girl didn't even look like me. I looked at the rusted blade sitting on the sink.

"I'm fine." I lied as I slid it across my arm

I'm surprised he didn't see all of the other marks on my arms then again his eyesight isn't as strong as it used to be. I kept forgetting the whole human thing. I forgot a lot of things anymore. I just got nightmare after nightmare. One of the dark dimension others of Klaus. The list went on and on. it all just wore down on me and wouldn't stop. It wasn't the way to normally let out all the pain but it helped numb it down.

"Are you sure?" he asked

I slid it across again.

"I said I was fine!" I hissed

After that I heard him walk off probably out the way he came. While I just stood there and slid the blade one more time and watched as the blood dripped into the sink. I dropped the blade into the sink and grabbed a towel.

"They don't care about you. They never did. They wanted your power and they still do." My own reflection said to me

"NO!" I screamed then hit the mirror breaking it into pieces


	2. When The Mind Dreams

~Bonnie~

I woke up in the bathroom and noticed broken pieces of mirror everywhere. I felt so confused, because I couldn't remember much of what happened. Then standing up I looked around a bit more. It all came back quickly. Damon coming here, the cutting, the mirror everything. I only wished to forget it all. That's all I wanted to do to everything.

Walking back into my room I grabbed a set of clothes and a towel and headed back into the bathroom to get a shower. Shedding each article of clothing numbly I climbed into the steamy shower. The hot water rushed over my shoulders and for a moment it felt as if it would wash the pain of the weight of the world away. But it was too much to hope anymore. Afterwards I got dressed. I didn't bother with make up at all. I didn't see the point in putting on. It was supposed to get a guys attention and say "hey I'm beautiful" but it didn't. No guy ever saw me they only saw Elena. I grabbed my dark blue hoodie off of my computer chair and headed downstairs.

Mary was in the kitchen cooking up breakfast.

"You're up early." She said

"Is it a problem?" I asked

I wouldn't have minded going back to sleep. I would take what I could get even if sleeping only brought on pain.

"Uh no umm please eat." She said

"I-" I started

Instead of finishing I just took a piece of toast and headed toward the door.

"Where are you going?" she asked worriedly

"Out." I replied as I put on my sandals

She didn't say anything, but the look on her face looked a little scared as if she thought I was going to run away. As a matter of fact that's exactly what she thought. I grabbed my cell phone off of the small table by the door and put it in my pocket as I walked out.

I wasn't entirely sure as to where I was going, but I figured getting out of my bedroom was a start. It was cold and grey outside. Then again with the lack of energy, food, and etc. in me it's no wonder it was cold. But it wasn't so bad. After a bit it just numbed me over. Before I realized it I had begun wandering around in the Old Wood.

I stepped out into the familiar clearing where we'd killed Klaus. Even that night haunted me, but it wasn't the only thing that haunted me from that time. Damon's cold kiss also haunted me. I knew it didn't mean anything and I should've known that the second time. But my heart always wondered. That's all it ever did on that subject because he never brought up what had happened and I just figured I should pretend it didn't happen either.

"A lonely heart is a broken heart." I muttered to myself as I sat back in the wet grass.

As I laid there it seemed that time just went by without me. And oddly enough this place which held such a dark memory was peaceful. That's when I heard it. Klaus's voice iced over me. I was on my feet in an instant to see him in front of me. He wasn't the only one though. The others were here too. It was playing right in front of me all over again. A manifestation of that night.

"Not real." I mumbled

But it kept going.

"No. Just go away."

"Go away?" Klaus said

I looked up terrified. He was looking dead at me and walking closer. He saw me.

"Why would I do that? It's not so bad being like me you know. There's no rules. No broken hearts. And you can kill whoever or whatever doesn't like you. Just knock out the competition." He said

I just shook my head no. he wasn't real. It was all just a figment of my imagination playing with me.

"Not real." I said

"If I weren't real could I do this?" he snarled

Next thing I knew he grabbed a chunk of my hair and yanked my head to the side roughly and bit down hard leaving me screaming. I closed my eyes hoping that when I opened them he would be gone. When I opened them I was on my knees crying alone in the clearing. The only other thing that was terrified was the birds which flew away. It was getting harder to tell what was real and what wasn't.

Then I saw something walk into the clearing. At first I couldn't tell who it was but as it got closer I saw it was Matt. Wait, Matt? What would he be doing out here? Then it changed into Meredith.

I scrambled to my feet as I saw it change right before my eyes. It wasn't human.

_Don't be afraid Bonnie._ I heard from him.

His voice seemed gentle, but I had every reason to be as afraid as I was at that moment. I just backed away as he got closer.

"Who are you?" I stammered

_I am whoever you want me to be._

"Get out of my head!" I yelled as I grabbed at my head

His voice just echoed there.

"If that is your wish." He or she or whatever gender it was said

Then as he got closer I saw him change into Elena. I don't know why but looking at her just made me angry right now. There she was with everything she could ever dream of and here I was feeling like I was ready to drop dead from it all. I wonder when she asks if I'm okay or when she says that she's sorry if she means it. A deep impulse took over me in the next instant as I hit the cloned Elena across the face.

More tears had streaked down my face as I fell to the ground. but the person caught me before I hit the ground.

"Don't worry. You won't hurt anymore precious."

I looked up into the ice blue eyes of Damon. He caressed my cheek and then all of the sudden everything went black. Of all times i decided to faint.

~Elena~

"I don't know. She could be saying that just so you would go away." I said

"Whatever, I did what you asked and she said she was fine. So now if you don't mind I'm going to get something to eat. Because apparently humans are hungry in the morning." Damon said then walked off

Bonnie had pulled away a lot since we returned from the dark dimension. It was like her worst nightmare come true, hell, it was everyone's. I just wished she would let us help her somehow. She was becoming more and more lifeless. She stopped coming over, stopped answering our calls, the she just stopped answering everything altogether. Was it so bad? I'm not a witch so I can't say I understand but maybe if she talked to us. It would be like her own personal shrink.

"You okay?" Stefan asked breaking my train of thought

"Sure." I answered

"Sure implies that you're not really okay." He said

I just shrugged.

"I'm really concerned about Bonnie is all. I hate to say it but it seems like she is giving up."

"I don't think-"

"You haven't seen her Stefan. Last time I heard about her from her sister she said that she looks like she is dying on the inside." I said interrupting him

"I take you would like me to check in on her?" I asked

"Yeah, because at least with you I know you'll actually attempt to make sure everything will be okay with her and stuff." I said

"Alright. I'll check on her this evening after I've hunted." He said

I kissed him deeply in thanks. As I was I could feel a set of sharp eyes on me coming from the kitchen. It was a set of eyes I had become all too used to even though Stefan hated it. Especially since he thought that Damon had the advantage of being human now. I couldn't deal with that right now though I just couldn't mainly because there were missing gaps between him and I.


	3. Secrets Written in Blood

**Thank you for the review you're all sweet and I am glad you like the story and don't forget to review when you hit the bottom.**

~Bonnie~

I bolted upright fighting to breathe. Looking around I saw that I was back in my room and it was dark out.

"How'd I get back to my room?" I muttered to myself

The last thing I remembered was that I was in the clearing. That and someone…but I didn't know who. I just sighed and got up. After a few minutes of pacing and thinking and then getting a headache I got changed into shorts and a tank top. After pulling my tank top on I looked down at the many cuts across my arm. Then I went into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I picked up the razor then put it back down.

"Do it. You'll feel better." I heard from behind me

I shook my head no trying to ignore the voice.

"Bonnie it helps you. It releases your…pain."

"I don't want to hurt no more." I stammered

"Then do it. It'll take it all away."

I picked the razor back up and slid it across my wrist and watched as the blood poured out onto the white linoleum floor. I didn't stop there, I just kept going. Even after there were tears coming out of me I kept going. I fell to the floor in my own blood. Thing were becoming dizzy. In two quick movements I went across my wrists then dropped the blade.

"Good girl."

I looked up and saw what looked like Matt smiling down at me. Then everything went black.

~Stefan~

As I walked up the path to the door I froze. There was a strong smell of blood coming from upstairs.

"Bonnie." I breathed

In the next instant I ran around the house jumping up into the tree then through her window breaking it. Thank goodness her sister wasn't home cause that would be hard to explain. I ran down the hall into her room but she wasn't there. I could smell it coming from the bathroom.

"Please don't be dead." I muttered as I grabbed the doorknob

Twisting it the lock broke. I froze as I opened it. trying to hold back I felt my fangs extend as I saw the blood all over the floor and the little red head lying in it. Falling to my knees I took her in my arms and bit down on my own wrist and put it to her mouth. I watched as each cut healed on her wrist. There must've been more than thirty on her. I didn't understand what she was going through that she would do this to herself, but I was going to find.

Her eyes bolted open and she shoved my arm away. She scooted as far as she could to get away from me. I didn't say anything. Anything that I wanted to say would come out as screaming and I didn't think that would be a good approach. So I just stood, looked down at my now blood soaked jeans for a second then walked out and sat down in her computer chair.

She came out a few seconds later. She wouldn't look at me either. Was it shame or pain? I couldn't tell but something was killing her inside.

"Should I even ask why the hell you would do that to yourself?" I ordered rather than asked

She didn't say anything. She just stared at the floor. Getting up I walked over and sat down beside her.

"Are you real?" she asked

"What? Yeah, Elena sent me over here to check on you."

Am I real? What is going on with her?

"You know if Elena wants to check on me she can come over all on her own she doesen't need to send her lackies." She snapped

"She has tried Bonnie. And I am not her lackie." I growled

"I imagine Damon is then." She said

I didn't say anything to that. Mainly because I didn't have anything nice to say about him. Him and Elena had been spending more time together. It unnerved me but I didn't want to seem like the jealous boyfriend. Then I noticed her looking at me as if just taking me in.

"What?" I asked

"The jealousy look works for you." She answered

I just smirked.

"That easy to tell eh?"

She just nodded.

"You want to know what's wrong with me?" she asked

"It would be nice."

"Well then that makes two of us because I don't know what's happening half the time anyways." She said

"Like something's taken over?"

"I don't know but it's driving me insane. As if the nightmares weren't enough I'm now getting voices in my head and…" she trailed off

"You're not crazy. Maybe there's something targeting you're weakness." I tried

She looked at me scared. I just wrapped my arms around her in a hug.

"This is weird." She said after a few seconds. "We don't usually hug and we're hugging covered in my blood."

I let go at that. Because she had a point. At most I would put my hand on her shoulder for comfort. I just figured she needed more than that.

"Look, I can stay if you want." I said

"You don't have too."

"Well I'm going to anyways just in case whatever is after you comes here tonight."

She laid back on the bed and turned over. I laid a blanket over her and saw her shiver. She looked so fragile. It made me scared for her.

"Stefan?"

"What Bonnie?" I answered

"Please don't tell Elena."

"I won't I promise."

With that I sat back in the computer chair and watched her drift into sleep.


	4. Games I Don't Want To Play

~Stefan~

I jolted awake when I heard the blood curdling scream. Rushing to her side I tried shaking her awake.

"Bonnie wake up! It's only a dream!" I yelled

But it was as if something had her sucked in and wasn't letting go. Then she shot upright struggling to breathe as if someone tried to smother her. Tears were rushing down her face as she clutched me for dear life.

"Don't make me go back." She stammered

"Go back where."

"Don't make me." She just said

She wasn't letting go either so I just laid down beside her. She was also shivering horribly. Even after I put two blankets on top of us she was shivering. After a while her clutch on me loosened enough that I could sneak out, but I didn't. She needed someone to be there for her no matter what so I stayed.

~Bonnie~

The sun shined through the window blinding me as I opened my eyes. After a few seconds I realized that Stefan's arms were wrapped around me. We were entangled in each other's embrace and it wasn't the fact that I was uncomfortable, because trust me I wasn't. It like he was the one perfectly molded to me and even though his skin was a tad bit cold, it was nice...and really inappropriate, I actually didn't want to move though and he looked so peaceful. But it wasn't right being like this. I quickly removed myself from the bed and started toward the bathroom. I froze quickly though remembering that there was blood everywhere. So I grabbed a towel and headed for the bathroom in the main hall. Today felt different and I couldn't explain it. It was as if it would be okay. Just as the cuts were gone so were the bad feelings that had brought them.

After my shower I headed downstairs as quietly as I could leaving Stefan where he was. I was scared to wake him. I didn't know what would happen if I did and it scared me a little. So I just walked out of the house quietly. It was still grey out, but it was lighter like the sun was trying to make a breakthrough.

_You shouldn't be out alone._

I jumped as I heard the thought. But as I recognized the voice I calmed a bit. It was Stefan.

"I don't understand. You can talk to me through my mind?" I asked as I turned around to face him

His hair was still a bit of a mess and he looked as if he just woke up which he probably did.

"You did take a bit of my blood in."

"But you didn't take in any of mine." I protested

"Bonnie you're also a witch which probably has something to do with it."

"And here I was trying to forget." I said trying to joke

He just looked at me a little worried as he ran his hand through his hair.

"Look Stefan, I'll be honest. I wish I could stop being who I am. But the more I try the more it gets worse and it drags me under. Whatever has targeted me isn't the only thing wrong with me." I said

It was hard enough admitting that as it was. But he looked as if he understood.

"Yeah, well, you aren't alone."

"What do you mean?"

"You don't think I've been through rough times?" he asked

"Well no but are you going crazy from it all?"

"I've had my moments."

I just shook my head and kept walking. He wasn't so good on relating to me at the moment.

"Okay bad way to relate, but I'm trying here." He said

I stopped to think for a moment.

"You want to understand?" I asked him

He walked so that he was in front of me now.

"I want to help you." He said sincerely

"Come on." I said

Without much realizing it I took his hand and started walking towards the Old Wood. Once we reached the clearing I let go. I knew this was a bad idea, but he wasn't going to cave and maybe I'd scare him off if I was lucky.

"Did you really think bringing him here would save you?"

"I knew you couldn't stay away." I muttered

"Bonnie?" Stefan asked confused

"Of course. Would I leave my love?"

"Love? You drive your loves to be insane to the brink of their own death?"

"In death is where you reside though. It's your true place in the world."

"Come out and show your face. I want to know who I'm talking to." I hissed

"Bonnie nobody's out here." Stefan said

I turned to look at him.

"Shut up!" I snapped

~Stefan~

Her eyes were pitch black and she looked ready to kill. How were they so dark? Was it the power consuming her? It was dangerous, to herself and me.

"Bonnie calm down." I said as I started backing away

"She's almost gone." I turned a little to someone come walking out into the clearing

His eyes were black too they were even a darker black than his hair.

"What are you doing to her?"

"Oh it's just a manifestation of her power." He answered simply "Even more, it's fun to toy with her. Make her think she's going insane. She does most of it on her own. I just give her a push. But with you around it could get a little complicated."

I felt a growl rip from my throat. Then before I could jump him lightning hit him. Literally it struck right on him and he just laid there on the ground now. Looking at Bonnie, she had an evil grin on her face.

"That'll teach you to stay out of my head." She growled

But the guy just laughed and stood up brushing off his jeans.

"Fiesty? That you are my dear." He said

Then all of the sudden black smoke surrounded him and he was gone. When I looked over at Bonnie he was playing with a strand of her hair. She shivered away from him.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!" she screamed falling to the ground "Get out of my head!"

Rushing to her side I grabbed her by the shoulders.

~Bonnie~

Someone grabbed me by the shoulders I wasn't sure who. When I looked up I could feel my eyes go wide. It was Katherine. I scrambled back crying.

"Get away from me! I will kill you! I swear!" I yelled

~Stefan~

I staggered back away from her. I didn't want to trigger anything. I watched as she got up and ran off. There wasn't anything to say. I wasn't even sure if there was anything I could do. After a few minutes of standing there it started to rain. But I didn't move I just stood there as it poured down on me. Soon enough it started to thunder and then came the lightning. For a minute I hoped it would hit me. Maybe then I would feel something. It took this much to realize I was losing what I was feeling even with Elena.

~Bonnie~

I was completely soaked by the time I had gotten home. Mary wasn't there thank goodness. Because I did not want to deal with it at the moment. I had too many issues and Stefan only had a taste of it. Maybe now he understood why I preferred to be alone with this. As I went to head upstairs though I heard something in the kitchen.

Trying not to make a sound I walked slowly towards the kitchen unsure if I really wanted to know what was in there. When I walked in I let out the breath I was holding in.

"Oh Stefan geez you scared the hell out of me. Next time let me know you're here." I said "What are you even doing here? I thought you disappeared in the clearing."

"Sorry I was uh…just looking around." He said "I thought I'd make sure everything was okay."

"Okay… well I'm a drowned rat so I better go clean up." I said as I turned to head for the stairs

But he was faster. A bit too fast. He stood in front of me and I was beginning to feel nervous.

"I think you look fine." He said with a cheshire grin

"Very funny." I said as I took a step back uneasily

~Stefan~

Coming out of the Old Wood I found I wasn't that far off from the boarding house. As I walked up the walkway I looked through the window and froze as I saw Elena on the couch with Damon. With that I turned and walked away. I couldn't stand to see it. I couldn't watch as she fell in love with him right before my eyes. It killed me inside that she wouldn't talk to me. I guess I had it coming being I wasn't saying much to her.

Is that also what killed Bonnie? Is that also part of the reason of why she's always in pain? I didn't understand. The more I tried the more I got a headache over it all. It made me want to scream.

But overall I knew one thing was for sure I couldn't leave Bonnie alone. She needs to be with friends who do care. Or at least someone who cares.

Ending with that thought I head toward the McCulloughs house.

~Bonnie~

"Stefan you're scaring me." I said startled

"Ah, well, we can't have that can we?" he said

Then all of the sudden he grabbed me by the back of the neck and brought my lips to his crushing mine. I felt a whimper escape as I tried to push him away. With a hard hit to his temple the kiss broke. What was wrong with him?

"Stefan what's going on?"

"Oh, I asure you I'm fine as a matter of fact I see things quite clear."

"You are not yourself!"

As he took a step toward me I ran for the stairs. About halfway up he grabbed my ankle yanking me back down. I hit my head off of one of the stairs as he did. He turned me over and as he did so I kicked him across the face and stumbled to get up the stairs. As I go to the top I stopped for a split second thinking of a place I could hide.

"There isn't a place you can hide where I won't find you, you little witch!" I heard him snarl as he was making his was slowly up the stairs

I ran down the hall but then all of the sudden I ran into something resembling a brick wall or at least the feeling. Stefan grabbed me by the hair he sent me through a door. Literally through it breaking it into pieces. I laid on the floor trying to keep hold of consciousness. Then I felt his hard rigid body on top of mine heard the ripping of clothing. Trying to slap him away he pinned my hands above me. He leaned down to my ear.

"I want to hear you scream." He whispered

When his eyes met mine they were pitch black.

"Stefan no. Stop." I cried

But he didn't stop. He never stopped and I couldn't fight him off. Bearing it was too much for me to take and eventually I blacked out from all of the pain it caused.

~Stefan~

Just I was getting there I saw the front door open. She never left it open. If anything she always had it locked. It made me wonder if someone had broken in. walking inside it didn't take me long to hear Bonnie. Her heart was slow like it was barely hanging on. Following the sound I found her laying on the floor unconscious her clothing ripped from her and she was…bleeding.

"Oh Bonnie." I breathed

Reaching out to pick her up she tried to fight me off.

"No…don't hurt me…please no more Stefan." She pleaded

She was too weak t put up any real fight.

"Who did this?" I asked

"You did." She breathed then passed out "Please just don't hurt me no more...it...hurts."

I froze at the words before I laid her down on the bed. Me? I wouldn't do something like that. Hell I wasn't even here. It wasn't me.

She was shivering uncontrollably and no amount of blankets were going to help this time. I rushed into the bathroom and started running hot water. Then I walked back to the room and picked up her limp body though she still mumbled and carried her to the bathroom. Lowering myself in the tub with her she started struggling. Then eventually she just caved and relaxed against me.

"Why are you toying with me? Do you want me dead too?" she mumbled as she came back

"Bonnie it wasn't me." I tried

"I know what I saw. You...you did this." she sobbed

"Let me show you."

"How?"

"Open your mind to me." I said

I could feel her mind as it did ever so slowly and with that I took her palms in mine sending the images of me from in the clearing to getting here. She gasped as the images started then relaxed again. I listened as she started crying all over again. I just held her body tight against mine as she did.

"Why can't I just let go? Why can't you?" she cried


	5. Don't Let Go

~Bonnie~

As I started coming around I felt a sharp pain in the abdomen area. It hit me sharply as I struggled to sit up. I noticed Stefan standing in the doorway. He didn't look at me. As a matter of fact he was avoiding looking at me, but so was I. I didn't know what would happen next. I felt the bed shift as he sat beside me.

~Stefan~

The room was so silent, it was like a silent movie. Neither of us said anything. She flinched as I put my hand on her shoulder.

"It wasn't me Bonnie." I said

She looked at me. A tear slid down her cheek.

"I know." She mumbled "I saw… your eyes are different from his."

I didn't want to hurt her so I refrained myself from taking her and holding her close. The thought of holding her made me hope that it would be enough to keep her safe. But I realized that if he couldn't get to her within range he would play head games from afar. It was a no win situation.

"You know…" she started "It wasn't exactly the way I pictured my first time."

~Bonnie~

With that I got up and walked out of the room nearly stumbling as I did. I wanted to be anywhere but in this house. It all looked like a crime scene. After a few seconds I hear Stefan not far behind me. I didn't bother with grabbing a hoodie, the feeling of being had left me long ago. Though my body ached from the shivering I had succumbed to. I didn't bother with shoes because it seemed like too much of a hassle. I just walked down the sidewalk feeling dazed and exhausted.

"Bonnie slow down a little." I heard Stefan say as he tried to keep up

I found myself speeding up as if something were following. The only things following me though were things I wanted to forget.

Then all of the sudden he grabbed me by the arm and spun me to face him.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed trying break free of his grip

I was still completely freaked out from the mimic version of Stefan and what he did. He just held on tighter not letting go.

"Let me go." I pleaded

"No Bonnie I won't. If I let go who knows what'll happen to you." He said

"Please." I cried

"No." he whispered as he pulled me into his arms

~Stefan~

I could feel her heart beat against my chest. Even more, I felt that I had a reason with her. That she needed me and I was important to her. I had lost that feeling and didn't even realize it till now. It was like i was her protector all of the sudden.

"Why do you even care? You got what you wanted. You got Elena." she said

The question hit me hard. And thinking about it, I didn't know. I didn't know why I cared. I could easily walk away from all of this and leave her. But I didn't and wasn't. Did I have what I wanted? Was Elena enough, because it felt as if even though I have her she was slipping through my fingers. She only said a few words, but they had me searching through my head for answers and whether or not it was all true.

"I care because I care about you if you didn't know that already." I answered

For a second I thought I saw her smile, but it came as fast as it went. Still holding her in my arms she nuzzled in closer to me. She was warm and I liked holding her and making her feel safe. Damon probably lacked in that area.

"Well this is awkward."

We both parted quickly from each other quickly as we heard someone say it. It was Elena.

"You actually got her out of the house. That's why you were gone for so long." She said

"Yeah, uh she had been having a lot of problems." I said

"Like? Never mind you guys can tell me when we get back to the boarding house."

She took both of our hands and we headed off in the direction of the boarding house. It was a long walk but it was a good quiet one.

_Stefan I'm not sure I want to tell her. It might go after her. Not even you were supposed to get involved and you see what happened when you did. It's the reason I stayed away from everyone. That and because well… I guess I'm a little suicidal and trust me it's very hard to admit that._

_A little?_

_Hey!_

_Bonnie I'll let you tell her what you want. And you do not have to go through this alone. You're never alone._

_That's why I feel that way even in a room full of people?_

_I'll bring you back, I promise._

~Bonnie~

He said I'll not we. That's what caught me. I wondered if he noticed the word mishap or if he actually meant to say that.

As we got inside the boarding house Elena took me upstairs. She brought me to one of the vacant rooms.

"You can stay in this room." She said

"But I'm not-"I started

"You're staying Bon. I'm not letting you go that easily." She said

Then she hugged me tightly. It actually hurt. I pulled away and she just gave me a look of worry.

"You know, you look different. I can't explain it." she then commented

Oh please tell me she couldn't tell that i wasn't a virgin no more. I didn't actually think it was possible to notice that.

"I've been through a lot Elena and my body is quite a bit achish." I said avoiding anymore of her pondering

"Bon-"

"I'm tired Elena I think I'm just going to go to sleep." I said before she could add anything else

Then I watched as she left and closed the door behind her.

~Elena~

She looked so dead. She was pale and her eyes seemed lost. As I walked downstairs I saw Stefan leaning back into the couch. Only then did I start taking in everything. He had blood all over his jeans and he smelled as if he had been digging up graves. What happened with those two in the last twenty four hours?

"Stefan what happened?" I asked as I sat down beside

"Just a lot of…things Elena." he answered exhausted

"Stefan you can tell me anything you know that right?" I asked hoping he would say something more

He sat up and looked at me, his green eyes meeting mine.

"Elena I can't exactly explain it right now alright. Bonnie is going through something that isn't easy to explain." He said

Then he took my face within his hands and kissed me. It was different though.

"I'm really tired hun. I think I'm just going to sleep." He said

Just like that he left me sitting in the living room all by myself.

"What the hell is going on?" I muttered to myself

~Damon~

I found myself still going out at night for a walk. It was a force of habit and I couldn't help it. It was quiet and peaceful. Both of which took the place of my impatience and irritation. Then all of the sudden I felt my phone going off in my pocket.

"Hello?" I said answering

"Damon he's back and he brought Bonnie back with him."

It was Elena.

"I thought that's what you wanted." I said

By the sound of her voice she seemed strained.

"It is but something's not right. I can feel it Damon." She said

"Alright I'll be back soon to see what's up with my idiot of a brother. Meanwhile just try to get some sleep." I said

I worried about her constantly anymore. Then again when did worrying about her or even thinking about her ever stop?

"Alright." She said

The line went dead. I closed my phone and put it back in my pocket.

"Going to be hell when I get back." I muttered

Then there was the snapping of a twig making me jump all of the sudden. Taking a quick look around I didn't find anything. I walked faster.

It felt as if I were being followed. As right as I was, I started to hear footsteps echoing mine from behind. Before I had the chance to turn around and see I felt something grab me from behind and throw me aside like a doll. Landing on my stomach I turned over to see a young woman standing over me.

"Here I thought you wouldn't be so easy Salvatore." She hissed

She grabbed me off of the ground and slammed me against a tree. She eyed me like food.

"I'm going to do you a favor, but not because I want to." She hissed

Next thing I knew she sank her teeth into my neck before I could stop her.


	6. An Aching Deep Down

~Bonnie~

When she left I didn't lay down to sleep. I just sat back on the bed and watched as day turned to night. I didn't feel tired at all. Granted my body did but I didn't. I didn't want to sleep.

After a few hours of sitting there I got up and peeked out the door. I snuck down the stairs and as I made my into the living room where I could see the flames of the fireplace flicker on the floor. I sat down on the couch and watched the blazing flames. It hypnotized me.

Then I heard a sigh and looked over to see Elena making her way over. She was in her PJs and her hair was a complete mess.

"You not sleeping much either?" she asked as she plopped down beside me

"You're asking the person who probably hasn't really slept in about two weeks." I said

"Oh, sorry." She mumbled

"Hey don't worry about it." I said "And I would also say it's not your fault, but you having me use all that mojo magic is part of the reason I'm having problems."

_You sure you're okay?_ I heard

I took a quick glance toward the stairs to see Stefan standing at the bottom, but then quickly looked away.

_I…no I'm not fine._

Elena grabbed a hold of me so quickly into a hug that it had my head spinning, but I smiled just the same.

"You should've let us help sooner." She whispered

"I was afraid Elena. I didn't want anyone else to see me like this." I said

"Bonnie you've seen me at my utmost worst and yet you stayed to help. You have to know I would do the same for you."

"Elena the things I'm going through would terrify you."

"Yeah well I can handle it."

"You're so sure?"

"Always." She answered

I looked back up toward the stairs and Stefan wasn't there anymore. Elena noticed me looking and looked over her shoulder as well.

"See something?"

"Uh no sorry." I lied

It was moment like this where I loved Elena to death. Then there were the other moments where she was a completely selfish bitch which would bug me to no end.

"Dawn's approaching you know." I said out of the blue avoiding telling her anything

"Okay…"

"Want to go for a sunrise walk? When the sun hits the leaves on the trees it's like they're on fire." I said

"Nah I think I'll cook up some breakfast. Anything you want in specific when you get back?" she offered

I just shook my head and went upstairs to get changed quickly. I was putting on my flipflops on my way back down the stairs which probably wasn't the best idea being I could trip and fall on my face.

~Damon~

As I could feel consciousness coming back I tried sitting up. I was underneath the same tree from last night. She just left me here? Usually you're supposed to kill your food. Why would she leave me alive unless…

My thoughts trailed off as I thought about what could've happened. Slowly reaching up for my neck I prayed I was wrong. As I felt my neck I closed my eyes as what I had hoped was crushed. There weren't any bite marks only dried blood stains down my neck. It made me real happy though that I never took off my ring even after I had become human.

I stood and started toward the boarding house then froze. It wasn't a good idea with Elena there. I would drain her without even thinking about it. I remember the last time I was a new vampire. It was a massacre.

I chuckled at that last thought because I don't think many can say they've been a vampire twice.

One thing I knew was that I had to get away and fast or else I would end up doing something I regret. The more I tried to not think about the thirst the more it ate away at me. It was ripping me apart begging me to rip open the first neck I saw. And it was becoming nearly impossible to resist.

"Damon?"

I looked up to see a small petite red head a few feet in front of me. Her skin was milky white and it looked as if she were as dead as me. For a minute though I did wonder about it. I took a step back. Her blood was just singing my name. Calling for me to have a taste.

"Are you okay?" she asked feebly

~Bonnie~

"Get out of here." he growled

He only looked at me briefly then looked at the ground. He also had blood on his neck.

"Damon what's going on?" I asked feeling panic rise

The next thing I knew he had me by the throat and I could barely touch the ground.

"What's going on is that I'm going to drain you of life and enjoy it."

I felt my eyes go big as I saw his canines extend and his eyes go black.

~Stefan~

It wasn't a good idea to follow her around and I shouldn't even worry about it now that Elena is there to help her. I mean she needs her closest friend not me. Then again I kind of jumped in the middle of it when I could've stayed away. I didn't understand the whole wanting to help a damsel in distress thing with me. But bonnie wasn't the damsel in distress she's the mess in distress. She stopped and I saw her talking to Damon. She seemed uneasy too.

I tried to sense what was wrong but didn't get anything. I mean nothing, not even a heartbeat.

"No." I muttered

I started running to get her out of there but all too quick did I watch Damon sink his teeth into her.

"Damon no!" I yelled

I ripped him from her neck shoving him backwards. I looked down at Bonnie briefly before looking up at Damon. His eyes were black and he was hungry. The change mustn't have been that long ago.

"You should taste her. She's so sweet with a hint of spice. Once you start you won't ever stop." He growled

He was eyeing the small witch lying on the ground bleeding profusely from the neck. Then moving fast he tried to get at her again but I tackled him to the ground. After a few minutes he started laughing.

"Oh come on." he whined

"Damon get a hold of yourself."

"But she tastes like heaven. I want more."

With that I hit him across the face. The hunger was consuming him. After hitting him enough to knock him out I left him lying there and rushed back over to Bonnie. Taking the sweet scent of her blood, it took everything I had not to start off where Damon left off. Especially since I hadn't fed yet today. Instead I bit down on my wrist yet again and put it to her mouth. After a few seconds I heard her heart pick up and quickly backed away before I could do anything reckless.

She opened he reyes slowly and sat up.

~Bonnie~

My eyes drifted toward Damon first.

"Will he be alright?" I asked

The thought of him attacking me had completely left my mind. I didn't care that he attacked me. I cared about how this all happened.

~Stefan~

Wait what? Is he alright? You're not pissed he nearly drained you?

That's when it hit me. She's in love with him. I didn't know why it bugged me all of the sudden. I should've known already that, that's how she felt about him. By the way she blushed around him and the way she looked at him.

It killed me a little inside. Here I was giving her everything I got literally being this was the second time I had given her my blood and yet she looked at him that way.

~Bonnie~

I crawled over to sit beside the knocked out Damon.

"We should probably put him in the cellar till his hunger calms a little more. That way he won't eat everything in sight." I said

Stefan didn't say anything. I turned to look at him and he seemed a little lost for thoughts at the moment.

"Yeah, probably a good idea." He mumbled


	7. Too Much To Hope

~Bonnie~

When we got back to the boarding house we put Damon in the cellar. Getting back upstairs I headed into the kitchen while Stefan stormed off out the back door.

"What happened?" Elena asked

I looked down at myself to notice I was covered in blood yet again.

"Damon bit me." I said simply

"What?" she exclaimed

I just nodded.

"Are you okay? I mean obviously you're okay but what the hell!"

I bit my lip to keep from laughing but it was too late. I burst out laughing and couldn't stop. I nearly fell off the stool I was sitting on.

"Why are you laughing? This isn't funny Bonnie." She said

"I forgot how funny it was to watch you freak out." I said

"Funny?"

"Sorry it was funny to me." I said

"Well I haven't seen you smile in I don't know how long so I guess I can't complain too much."

"Yeah okay. Well I think I'm going to go upstairs and shower." I said

I slid off the chair and headed upstairs. Walking towards my room to grab some fresh clothes that I'm sure Elena put in the my dresser I heard banging around in one of the extra rooms. I shouldn't have been so curious but I couldn't help it. As I peeked in the room I noticed it was a complete mess.

"What the hell?" I asked to no one in particular

And before I knew something grabbed me by the throat and pulled me inside.

"Not hell just me."

I closed my eyes hoping it wasn't real that maybe it was my imagination.

"I'm very real." He said

"Go away." I hissed

"I can't I find you so addicting." He whispered low as I felt his other hand trail down my side

It made me shiver in disgust.

"Don't be like that." He said

A whimper escaped my lips as I wished this wasn't real.

"Give it time and you'll warm up to me. you'll give in not because you have to but because you'll want to." he whispered

Next thing I knew he was gone. I fell to the floor cradling myself back and forth. After a few minutes I stood and made my way out feeling numb once again. On my way out I ran into Stefan.

"Sorry." I mumbled and headed toward my room

"What's wrong?" he asked

"Hmm? Oh nothing." I said

Not even paying attention to him I walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. looking at myself in the mirror I saw the slightest color returning to my face. Who knew it took getting bitten by a vampire to have the color return to my face? I smirked at the thought.

I turned on the warm water as I started up the shower.

_Bonnie did you honestly think it would be that easy? You'll always be the dark Bonnie. You won't change._

"Oh no. you just go away I have enough problems as it is." I muttered to myself

And like that it was gone. I just sighed in relief. But as I stepped back toward the shower I felt something grab me and before I knew it I was being pulled through the mirror.

"No!" I yelled fighting to stay in the bathroom

I knew that whatever it was, was dark and evil and wasn't letting go either. As it pulled me in even farther I felt a set of arms around my waist pulling me back. Then the mirror seemed to just let go and I flew backwards along with whoever had a hold of me and hit the wall hard.

Looking over I noticed it was Stefan. I just shook my head.

"What?" he asked

"You always seem to be in the wrong place at the right time." I said

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have been such a…" he trailed off

"Dick?"

"Yeah we'll go with that." He chuckled

"Don't worry about it. Stress will do that to a person."

~Stefan~

Soon enough I knew she was going to ask why I was acting the way I was. I wanted to avoid questions toward that mainly because I didn't have the answers.

"I'll uh let you get your shower then." I said as I stood then helped her to her feet too

She nodded then turned around. As I turned to leave I saw her pull her shirt up and over till it just hit the floor. I quickly looked away but caught a glimpse of the scars on her back before the mirror steamed up. Leaving I shut the door behind me and nearly ran into Elena.

She gave me a look of confusion and skepticism.

"Should I even ask?" she said

"She was being pulled through the mirror is all."

"What is making her a magnet?" she asked

"I honestly don't know Elena." I said

She leaned into me and I just my arms around her comforting her. It felt different though. Like she was no longer mine. That this hug wasn't mine.

"I hope Damon will be okay." She said

And that was why she wasn't mine anymore. He had her. He always had her where I only had a figment of my imagination.

"He needs to adjust." I said "He almost killed Bonnie earlier today too."

"Well he didn't and that's the good news. Though he's a vampire again so things are bound to get complicated once again."

"Thing were always complicated Elena." I said pulling away feeling a little annoyed

"What's wrong?" she asked

I stopped at the edge of the stairs.

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean you've been different ever since I sent you to check up on Bonnie."

"She's in a lot of trouble Elena I'm sorry my attention isn't directed over you completely but she could die if we don't help her."

She looked at me shocked.

"Plus it's not like your attention revolves around me. as a matter of fact lately it's been around Damon. And you know what? I can't blame you. He's human or at least he was. With him you could've had a better life. So go have it. Because to be honest it kills me to see you with him but at least this way it's a clean break and it'll be easier on you. I'm just another guy thrown aside like Matt." I added

Then I turned and walked downstairs and out the door.

~Bonnie~

The warm water washed over me in waves. But it didn't seem hot enough to take away the hurt I felt inside. Turned it hotter I watched the blood wash away down the drain but it was as if it never came off. And no matter how hard I scrubbed it felt as if it was still all over me. would it ever wash off? Would it ever go away or would it eventually consume me?

**I really appreciate the reviews. And if you haven't figured it out I don't own Vampire Diaries but I do own the story line. Please review if you can.**


	8. Good To Be Back

**Thanks for the reviews and I'm glad those reading like the story. See you at the bottom.**

**P.S I don't own the Vampire diaries**

~Bonnie~

After my shower I put my hair up in a ponytail and left my room. As I headed for the stairs I froze in front of Elena and Stefan's room.

"Elena?" I said peeking in

She was crying in a corner.

"Are you alright?" I asked

"No I am far from alright." she cried

"What's wrong?" I asked joining her in the corner

"Stefan just broke up with me and I don't get it. did I do something wrong?" she said

"No he didn't. You two probably got in a fight. That does happen sometimes in a relationship." I said

"No he said that he was just another guy thrown aside like Matt." She blubbered

She said other stuff but I kind of tuned it out mainly because she tends to over exaggerate things.

"Look Elena do you want me to talk to him or would you prefer not?" I offered

"If he won't even give me the chance to talk I doubt he'll let you."

"We'll see then."

She just nodded.

I got up leaving her there and headed downstairs.

"Well I didn't have to go far to find you." I said as I walked into the living to see Stefan sitting on the couch

"You made her cry you know?" I said

He didn't say anything.

"There a specific reason you decided "HEY! Today's the day I'll break up with Elena!"" I said

"Bonnie it's not any of your business." He snapped

"Elena's my best friend so that makes it my business."

_You haven't seen her when she's with Damon. She's happy with him more than she ever was with me._

His thoughts were loud and clear. He was scared.

_I can't blame her. He's human he has a chance. _

I couldn't say anything bad about Damon even if he had done a lot of cruel things to me. He was the dangerous one. The one a lot of girls wouldn't mind getting bitten by even me.

"You wouldn't be thinking about me would you?" I heard from behind

I turned around to see Damon leaning in the door way. I backed away slowly.

"Relax _cara_ I'm not going to bite you even though your taste is rather intoxicating." He said

"How did it happen Damon?" I asked

"Not entirely sure. I heard you were and on the way to see my favorite witch I got jumped."

"So you got what you wanted then." Stefan said

He was now standing beside me. A sudden feeling of uneasiness came over me.

"That and more." Damon said grinning at me

I didn't look up at him.

_Look at me Bonnie_

I looked up at him. He took a step toward. I knew this was the dangerous side I had become friends with it.

_I would say thank you for the meal but then again I hear you've gone suicidal lately._

I opened my mouth to protest.

_Not done talking._

I shut it.

_But if you wanted to die all you had to do is ask. I would've obliged and made it painless._

_Damon get out of my head. And you don't get to pry in my life since you're not a part of it._

_That actually hurt red._

Right about then I was wishing Stefan would help but he just stood there watching us.

_Yeah well you hurt me pretty well._

_Not my intention._

_Whatever._

I shoved him out of my head and stormed off.

~Stefan~

I heard the front door slam. Damon went to follow but I grabbed a hold of his arm keeping him from going after her.

"Just stop Damon. She's not your toy ans she doesn't need you." I said

"And what? She needs you? You already have a damsel in distress who as far as I'm concerned is upstairs crying."

"Yeah it's your fault."

"Blaming me again?"

"You'd do whatever it takes to get her and guess what you just did."

"She wanted comfort that was it. I don't know what's going on with the paranoia but get it together. Because as much as I want Elena I prefer a challenge as to you just giving up. Then again the way you seem a little protective over Bonnie. Has my little brother moved onto something else? Maybe I will give her a go." Damon said

"She has enough problems she doesn't need you to add to them." I said

"Oh trust me she won't or rather doesn't think of me as a problem."

I could feel my blood boiling. Grabbing him by the throat I slammed him against the wall. Damon just laughed as if we were playing around.

"You stay the hell away from her!" I growled

"Oh I'll stay away from them but will they stay away from me?" he said

Letting go of him I stepped away. Damon just straightened himself.

"It's great to be back." He said then left.

I was stuck between real pissed off and giving up. No matter what I couldn't win and I was getting dragged under.

**Okay from here it's the female vampire that changed Damon. But being she doesn't go beyond this chapter she doesn't get a name.**

"So did you do what I asked?" he asked

"I did Zeke." I said looking up into his black eyes

"Good then everything's going well."

He smiled down at me and I couldn't help but return the smile. Caressing my cheek he leaned down and gently pressed his lips to mine.

"You and your chaos." I mumbled

He just smirked.

"So what do we do now?" I asked

"Well darling there is no we." He said

Then all of the sudden I felt something pierce me in my chest. I looked down to see a stake in me.

"Bastard." I breathed

"Sweet dreams bitch." Zeke snarled then walked out

I fell to my knees then hit the floor. And like that everything went dark.

**Reviews are always welcome so hit the blue button and leave one please.**


	9. Hardest Thing To Do In This Life Is Love

~Bonnie~

When I got home Mary was rushing out the door and searching her bag for her car keys.

"Hey Bon I've got the night shift, so I won't be home til tomorrow."

"Alright and look I'm sorry about the door and window-"

"Wait the door and window?" she asked surprised

"Yeah I'm surprised you didn't notice. Or didn't you?" I asked

She looked at me worried.

"Bonnie there's nothing wrong in the house. Are you okay? You getting enough sleep?" she asked

"I'm fine. Maybe it was just a dream." I lied

"Dream?"

"I had a bad dream last night and by the end the whole house was screwed up." I lied even more

"Well maybe you'll get some better sleep now that you're home." She said then headed to her car

I just sighed and went inside.

_I'm sure you're feeling like you're losing it. If not everyone else thinks you are._

"Get out of my head!" I yelled

But I heard the laugh echo through my mind. It was like a headache that wasn't going away and was getting worse.

Going inside I locked the door behind me. As I headed for the kitchen, there was a knock at the door.

"Nobody's home." I muttered

"Yes you are." I heard from the other side

It was Damon. Opening the door he was just leaning against the door frame with a Cheshire cat smile forming on his face.

"And what are you smiling about?"

"You cause I know you're going to let me in." he said

I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

"I'm glad you think so. But right now I'm not inviting anyone in, because for all I know you could be the creep after me being he likes to take different forms. Last he pretended Stefan and he-" I stopped myself there before I blurted out everything

"He what?" Damon probed with his brow suddenly furrowing

"Nothing, never mind. It just means I'm not trusting anyone so you can go away."I said

I started to shut the door but he put his hand in the way and stopped me.

"Bonnie you can trust me." he said more seriously

"Says the one who bit me." I said sarcastically

"But aren't I also the one who kissed under that tree under the stars?" he asked

I looked at him skeptically.

"You're serious about not letting me in."

"I would prefer not to get attacked again." I said

"I won't let that happen."

"You're not going to give up are you?"

"Not a chance."

"Well you should."

He just gave me a confused look.

"I'm not a complete idiot. You're head over heels for Elena. And as much as I want to say yes and let you in I know your feelings aren't for me. And it doesn't matter how much I'm in love with you either because at least I know it won't change. So you don't have to play with my heart because it's already broken beyond shattered. It hurts enough to know that the girl in your eyes is her and I'm always the second choice." I said then shut the door

I didn't want him to see me cry. The waterworks wouldn't stop as much as I wanted them too. It took all I had not to open the door back open and beg him to come back, but I knew better. It wouldn't have made a difference. I wasn't her. I wasn't Elena. Everyone wanted her not the sidekick.

Other thoughts started coming to mind. Thoughts that maybe I should leave. It wouldn't be worst idea in the world. I'd get out of Elena's way and maybe the thing after me would stop if I wasn't here being supernatural occurrences were attracted to this place like a moth to a light bulb. I could find someone for me. I could start over. Those words sounded like heaven in my mind. Even if it didn't go as planned and I was followed I would at least be far enough away that it wouldn't effect anyone else.

With that I got up wiping my eyes and headed upstairs as I pulled out my cell phone and dialed a number.

"Hi I would like to know the next bus out of Fell's Church."

~Stefan~

I thought about going over to Bonnie's to see if she was okay and to get Damon away from her, but I was so sick of fighting. The main reason I came here was to stop the fighting and to get away from it. But I guess all of this is my fault. Damon came here to get back at me and everything else just followed in a straight line behind that. It was never ending.

I sighed and closed my eyes looking up to the sky which was a multitude of color being the sun was going down. Looking back ahead the leaves of the trees looked as if they were on fire as the sun shone through them. It was beautiful.

I was questioning everything I had gone through only to get to this moment when I threw it all away. The second I did let it all go it felt as if a weight had been lifted off of me. Granted I love Elena I'd always love her, but I wasn't so sure it was enough for her. It just didn't seem that way. Without realizing where I was even walking I noticed I was near Bonnie's. I couldn't help being curious about her and everything that had happened lately. Watching her as she sat on the brink made me think that maybe I had taken her for granted. Being dragged into something like this made feel something I hadn't felt in decades. Scared. Not for me but for her because she could die through all of this torture. And yet we don't even know who's behind the mask doing it. I had never been this terrified with a mixture of sorrow and anger all at once that it made me want to explode. I was scared because I don't know what would do this to her and why? Sad because I was losing myself as well as others. And anger because no matter what every girl has been interested in Damon instead of me and it didn't matter how hard I tried it was always him. Was it the possible chance of dying because him that hypnotized them?

"-And it doesn't matter how much I'm in love with you either because at least I know it won't change. So you don't have to play with my heart because it's already broken beyond shattered. It hurts enough to know that the girl in your eyes is her and I'm always the second choice." I heard

I turned then quickly moved behind a nearby tree. Bonnie was nearly in tears. What did he do now? He always had that way of making a girl love him yet hate him at the same time.

Bonnie then closed the door on him. He looked hurt by her words. Like it wasn't his intention to do that to her. I watched as he raised his hand to knock then dropped his hand and walked away. He must've been able to hear her cry too. it like it was loud and clear that she wanted to give up. She had every right to too.

_So much for me going to see if she's alright. A Salvatore is more than likely someone she doesn't want to see._

Did she always have this effect on a person? Of bring on a feeling ten times more than what it is supposed to feel. Because whether she realized it or not a lot of guys took quite an interest in her. It was becoming more than he loved Elena. I could tell it broke him as she closed the door on him and he could tell that she was even more broken. She brought out the better half of him believe it or not. It wasn't much of a difference between his normal self but there was a slight difference. But I guess it wasn't enough to hold her. Was there anything to hold her?

So many thought s plagued my mind of her and eventually my mind wandered wondering if it were me. but the thoughts were cut short when I saw her coming out of the house with a bag on her shoulder and her leaving the key under the mat. As she took a few steps down the walk she paused and looked back at the house.

_To let go is to move on and I think it's time to move instead of wait for something to come._ Came her thoughts

Then she turned back around and headed down the side walk.


	10. What Hurts The Most

~Stefan~

Where was she going?

I followed her stealthily so she wouldn't see me not that she could hear me. she was heading toward the bus station. Something deep down in me wanted to grab her, spin her around and ask her "what the hell are you doing?" but I knew it was her own choice. And I was about to make one that would probably get her pissed off at me.

I pulled out my phone and dialed Damon's number.

"This better be good little brother." Damon said through the phone

"Did you want to say goodbye to Bonnie before she's gets on the bus out of Fell's Church or should I just say go ahead?" I said sarcastically

With that I snapped the phone shut and walked off.

~Bonnie~

Getting ready to get on the bus I felt someone grab my arm and drag me backwards.

"Hey let go of me!" I complained

Then the person spun me around and I felt an instant glare.

"What now?" I asked feeling my temper rise

"What are you doing?" Damon asked

I heard the bus doors close then yanked my arm away and watched it drive off.

"Well I was leaving but you ruined that." I hissed

"Why are you leaving?"

That had to be the dumbass question of the day. I just looked at him stupefied.

"You're kidding right?" I asked

He didn't say anything. I scoffed rolling my eyes.

"This place is driving me insane and so is the guy who is torturing me half to death. I'm losing it and it's getting so dark that I can barely see."

"You're one of the strongest people I know and you're not dead, so that counts for something if you get my drift."

I couldn't help but smile. Because it wasn't very often he gave out compliments.

"Damon I don't want to stay. It hurts to stay. Physically and emotionally." I said

He sighed.

"Well too bad because the bus left so you can't go. And I'm not letting you. At least not until we deal with the creep who thinks he can mess with my girl." He said

I felt myself flinch a little as he said my girl.

"Damon I was never your girl." I said as I picked my bag up and started walking off in the opposite direction

"I tried."

"I know."i said quietly

"Well at least you have Stefan to thank for saving you from making a mistake." He blurted

"What!" I exclaimed

"I don't think I was supposed to say that." He said then just shrugged "Oh well."

My blood was boiling with anger. How could he do that? I thought he was all about the happiness crap. When I get my hands on him I'm going to ring his neck. After everything I figured he'd be one of the few people supporting me in trying to have a life but no.

* * *

When Damon and I got to the boarding house, I walked in. Stefan was coming from the kitchen.

"Hello Bonnie." He said

He was acting as if he didn't say anything.

"Don't hello Bonnie me." I snarled

Before I could let him say anything else I jumped at him catching him off guard. Hitting him across the face, I watched as the ring on my finger dragged across his face digging a gash into his cheek only to see it heal.

_Bonnie what the hell?_

_I can't believe you! It's your fault I couldn't leave!_

With that thought I hit him again across the face.

_Bonnie I didn't want-_

_Didn't want what huh! Didn't want me to be happy for once! You blew it! You blew my only chance!_

I heard someone come barreling down the stairs, but didn't bother looking.

"Bonnie stop!" I heard Elena yell

"Let it go Elena it's rather entertaining." Damon said

I didn't stop hitting him. He just made me so mad all of the sudden. Then I just gave up trying to leave a mark and stopped, but didn't move.

_You above all are the most selfish person I have met. Not even Damon can top what you have done Stefan. He wouldn't force someone to stay against their will._

With that I got up and went to walk away but then froze as I heard Stefan talking to me mentally.

_How do you know that huh? Damon is capable of anything dangerous than again that's why you and Elena are so in love with him. And you know what it makes me sick. _

I turned around and slapped him across the face.

~Stefan~

"And here I thought I was the only one you had given blood too. And yet there you and Bonnie are having a conversation no one can hear." Elena hissed "At least I know why you dumped me. You want her."

"Elena it's not like that." I said now getting an argument from Elena

But even to myself it started sounding like a lie. I didn't tell Bonnie I didn't want her to go, because she was right it was selfish, but I had a right to be selfish for once.

"Really, then there must've been a good reason you gave her your blood." She snapped

I opened my mouth then closed it remembering that I had promised Bonnie not to say anything.

"That's what I thought." She said

"Don't you even dare judge me Elena. You fell in love with Damon and everyone could see it plain as day. And you know what? I don't care anymore. It's over it's done and I'm tired."

But I did care. I cared because it wasn't me and it killed me deep down.

Elena didn't say anything else instead she brushed pass me and walked out.

"Tell Damon I said hi." I said

After getting a second to breathe and think I started regretting every moment of what I said to Bonnie. It was all like word vomit. Bonnie provoked me and it all just came out. Is that how Damon felt sometimes?

Why do things have to be so complicated? I could still hear her upstairs. Would she be alright? With all the questions running through my head I started to get pissed off again. Did each girl have a death wish? If so all they have to do is ask.

I sighed shoving that thought away as fast as I had thought it.

"I think I'm just as crazy as you Bonnie if I can't figure out what a girl wants." I muttered to myself

Why please others? What do I want for a change?

**Though there was no Zeke this chapter he will either be in the next one or the one after but he will be back or else bonnie wouldn't have her creeper. But I hope you liked the chapter and that you will leave a review. Kisses to all who have read this.**


	11. When Fire Rains

~Bonnie~

I didn't know what the hell was wrong with him. He was losing it I swear. This wasn't anything like the Stefan I knew. The one who comforted you in the dark instead of saying that you make him sick.

The tears kept falling no matter how hard I tried to stop them. I was so angry and hurt. How could he make me feel like that?

_See? Even he is sick of you and would rather you be gone. Do you need any more proof?_

"Get out of my head." I snarled

Looking up, I saw him. The very same guy I had seen in the clearing and the very one who had been doing everything to me was right in front of me.

"They don't love you the way I do." He said

"What do you want from me?" I asked

"I only want to love you."

"Then why hurt me."

"To hurt is to love."

Those words echoed in my head. He reached his hand out to me. It was wrong to even think that maybe just maybe he was right over all. Loving someone hurts.

"Who are…you?"

"Zeke, I have been watching you Bonnie. You don't deserve any of this. There won't be any more pain. I promise."

That sounded nice. No more pain. But this was the same one who has been climbing in my head and being people I thought I knew better than I knew myself. He took something away that I could never get back yet right at this very moment he was almost on his knees asking for me. Wanting me. To feel wanted was nice.

Right as I reached out to take his there was a knock at the door that made me jump.

"Bonnie look I don't know what to say. Can you let me in so I'm not talking to a door."

In that instant I wanted to say yes but then Zeke grabbed my hand and then yanked me toward him. He gripped me around the throat then covered my mouth with his other hand.

"No leave me alone!" Zeke yelled but his voice sounded like mine

I don't know how he did it but his voice changed and it sounded like mine down to the tee. My heart pounded in my chest.

"Bon-"

"You have no right talking about who I love especially since you're with Katherine's twin." He yelled

I was praying Stefan didn't walk away.

_Stefan help me! He sounds like me and has me in here! I'm scared! _I called out mentally

In the next instant Stefan slammed the door open.

"Don't move Salvatore or I'll kill her right here and then we'll really be together." Zeke said

"Let her go." He growled

I could see that every ounce of predatory instinct had taken over Stefan.

"Now what fun would that be?" Zeke said sarcastically

"What do you want with her?"

"I want what none of you imbeciles will see. Her love." He said

"I don't understand."

"I've seen everything from her birth till now. She deserves better."

"And who are you to say that she deserves better?" Stefan hissed

"I'm a god you pathetic child."

The expression on Stefan's face and probably mine too changed from terror to shock. He was a god and he wanted me.

"And who are you to come between us?" Zeke added

Stefan didn't say anything he only took a small step back and didn't look at me. I knew that look I had seen it before. He looked at Elena that way the first time he saw her.

"Oh how quaint the vampire has fallen for the maiden." Zeke said

"Stefan." I whimpered

He looked up at me not looking away. It was true. I saw it in his eyes. Stefan looked at me deeply and I didn't know what to think.

_Don't let go._ I whispered to his mind

Then closing my eyes I summoned every bit of power within me and sent it backwards at Zeke. He didn't let go of me, so we both flew backwards hitting the wall nearly going right through it. Scrambling from his grip, I went to run, but stopped and turned and kicked Zeke in the face. Then I turned and ran over to Stefan who stepped in front of me protectively as Zeke got to his feet.

"Well that was tingly." Zeke said brushing himself off "I see that I should've given it more time. But Bonnie do realize you will be by my side soon enough because I'm not one to give up and I will kill you Salvatore. But don't worry Bonnie I'll let you watch."

Then like that he was gone like mist. Right as he was gone did the sky start raining fire from the sky like meteors. While still taking everything in Stefan turned to me. He was the other one Zeke said he was after in the beginning. He was a target to, only more important. Apparently he was the competition I didn't know about.

"I have to get you out of here." I said taking his hand starting walk towards the door

He yanked me around to face him. Why was he being defiant now of all times?

"I'm not going anywhere." He said

"But-"I started to protest

"Don't. You won't win." He cut me off

I yanked my arms out of his grasp.

"Why are you the one so fixated on dying all of the sudden?"

It sounded like I was talking to myself.

"I could ask you the same thing." He countered

"I was fixated on getting the hell out of here. There's a difference."

"That's why I found you in your own blood a few days ago?"

I didn't say anything at first.

"You want to die, I can't stop you, but you better have a hell of a good reason." I snapped

As I turned to leave beginning to abandon hope on it all be, he grabbed me by the arm again and slammed me against the wall knocking the breath out of me. The look in his eyes was aggressive and made me nervous.

"What is it?" he growled

"What's what?" I said shakily not understanding the question

"What the hell is it that makes Damon someone you want? I don't get it! It's him it's always him."

So that's what really hurt him deep down. It all came out. Damon taking everything from him leaving him with nothing, but anger as to why he couldn't hold on to anything. It killed him a little more each second. I could see it. He'd get what he wanted, but it wouldn't stay or it just never belonged to him in the first place.

"It…bothers you." I said with the realization

His fist went right through the wall right beside my head as I said those words.

"Why can't I be better! I'm sick of coming second."

A wave of surprise came over me. His head hung low as he had said it. I reached up gently caressing his cheek. How could he be second?

"Stefan you second? Though you have never seen me, you were never second place." I said "You are who you are. Damon had the thrall of being dark and dangerous. It's the not knowing what will happen next that drags in the most unsuspecting people."

"Even you?"

For a moment I thought about it deep down. Damon was my worst choice, because though he wanted to love he had issues with holding onto it. Zeke was right in some twisted way. Love does hurt, but what he didn't add is that more often than not we thrive on the pain because it's what keeps us close.

"Even me."I said then wrapped my arms around his neck pulling his lips down to mine

It was rough yet enticing. it had stopped my breathing cold and had my heart racing. I had actually kissed him.

_It's your darkness I crave. It's not so cold._

He kissed me more aggressively taking my bottom lip then taking them both. I hadn't ever seen this side of him. It was crossing a line that should never have been crossed but it was too late to turn back. That was if we wanted to turn back.

When I pulled away breathing heavily, his facial expression froze.

"Your eyes."

I looked away, but then I felt his hand under my chin pulling me back to look at him.

"Drag me under." He said

I shoved him back against the opposite wall effortlessly. The whole room was crumbling around us. Then as I pressed my lips back on his I could feel his tongue that was ever so demanding intertwine with mine. I could feel his canines extending. He lifted me up of my feet and slammed me against the wall, I could feel it denting majorly. He stared at me for a second seductively like there was something he wanted, but wasn't telling me. He caressed my cheek down to my neck. My head tilted back instinctively as he kissed the hollow of my throat. His hands moved up underneath my hoodie till he had pulled it up over my head tossing it to the floor. His wandering hands had my body begging for more. As a moan escaped from me I heard a growl of impatience come from him. I was afraid, I wasn't shaking terrified. I wanted it all and I knew he could give it.

Turning my head I could feel his eyes on my neck.

"Do it I know you want to know." I moaned as I pulled his lips down to meet my neck

I didn't have to read his mind to know he wanted to. In the next instant without hesitation I felt a pinch, but then it made everything dizzier, intenser and even more wanting. Pushing away from the wall Stefan fell back not letting up off of my neck. But instead of hitting the floor we went right through it hitting the living room floor. The fire still going in the fireplace blazed even higher nearly coming out at us. As I sat up Stefan followed. He pulled away with blood dripping from his lips. There was no shame emanating from his pitch black eyes instead it was want. His want. His need for contact. I didn't deny him. I didn't want to. I had him straddled and moved against him and heard him groan.

His lips reaching mine I tasted the bittersweet maroon liquid. Feeling his hand moving in opposite directions as one slid up underneath my tank top while the other slid down till it rested on my buttocks pulled me even closer than we already were. Entangling my fingers through his hair I slid his shirt up over his head till it was on floor. Both of my hands slid down taking in each contour of muscle on his chest down his stomach till I found my hands undoing his pants. My hands slid down even farther and I heard his breathing go ragged as he touched me. I loved the rough yet tender touches

"Bonnie..." He groaned

"I won't stop, I promise." I whispered in his ear

Upon hearing that he flipped me over so that he was on top of me. The pressure of his body on mine made my core ache more than it already was. By this moment I was praying he wouldn't have a relapse and tear away from me. I don't could take it if he did. It had come too far.

"Stefan." I moaned hoping he wouldn't leave me like this

This torture was one I could endure, one I wasn't saying no to. I pulled at his remaining clothing as he did the same.

As both of our bodies intertwined it was hard to find where one began and the other ended. Taking in everything I could, I didn't want to forget this if it were the first and last time it would happen.

"I'll be better than him." He whispered in my ear

Then his lips captured mine instantaneously, so I couldn't protest that he'd already proved it. His hand caressing my cheek ran down my jaw line then my neck where he had bitten me. As his hand trailed so did his lips in tender touches leading down my body and then back up making sounds come out of me that I thought weren't possible. Sounds signifying the pleasures I couldn't describe. His skin on mine wasn't enough to extinguish the heat within us.

"Don't kill me." I pleaded

"Then we'll both die." He whispered in my ear sending shivers down my spine

Lying on our clothes, I felt him take entrance within me making me gasp as my back arched up into him. He held me against him, his hand at my lower back. It was slow and easy knowing that we had time at first.

Everything became a blur. No beginning no end it was just us. Intensity kept rising until I was ready to explode into oblivion.

"Stefan." I groaned as I my nails raked across his back. "Please..."

His lips meeting mine as his tongue met mine in a fight for dominance over the other. Everything within me kept building as he took full entrance. My hips rose to meet his as he did. Deep down I wanted to scream in the ecstasy of it all, but all that escaped my lips was a whimper. He moved faster and harder in response sending me into overdrive. I could feel his hand as it moved down to my thigh as I wrapped my leg around him. His other was moving up my side towards my back. He pressed me against him with his palm splayed across my back even though we both were covered in sweat by now. Both of our moans grew as he pumped in and out of me bringing me closer to the brink. In that instant my body tensed and shivered as did his in the sweet release.

Stefan collapsed on top me. He held himself on his elbows as he laid his head on my shoulder. His breathing ragged, I rested my hand on the back of his neck as we both just layed there. I felt his hand lightly trace down my ribcage as I kissed the top of his head. He looked up at me momentarily then kissed me. It was more gentle than before and as if it wasn't enough once I felt his need and hunger returning. I didn't stop him. I wouldn't, because I wanted it just as much. The endured dangerous intimate touches turned into more even as he pursued me more as he moved against me. I cried out as my nails raked across his back and he groaned with utter need. Oh please, don't stop, my body screamed as it held him against me.

Turning over on top of him, my hands were splayed against his bare chest as his moved down to my lower back. I kissed him even more wanting to taste him. Moving to pull away hid lips followed mine and he pressed up against me. I gasped as my head fell back and his lips nipped at my neck. I grinded into him more and his fingers dug into me.

"Oh god," I breathed

It was happening again and even faster.

"Stay with me." he breathed

My fingers tightened in his hair as I felt his hands move even lower and moved me against him. My back arched once again as he groaned and that feeling exploded within me all over again. This time I fell against him breathing heavily. It had happened twice now.

If it was the end of the world at least I was with him.


	12. Sacrificing My Heart For His

**I'm starting at the part just before Elena leaves the house.**

~Elena~

"And here I thought I was the only one you had given blood to. And yet there you and Bonnie are having a conversation no can here." I hissed "At least I know why you dumped me."

"Elena it's not like that." Stefan said halfheartedly

The look in his eyes different though. A part of him did care for her more than just a friend.

"Really then there must've been a god reason to give her your blood." I snapped as my temper kept rising

He opened his mouth to say something then closed it again. I should've known there wasn't a good reason.

"That's what I thought." I said

"Don't you dare judge me Elena. You fell in love with Damon and everyone could see it plain as day. And you know what? I don't care anymore. It's over it's done and I'm tired."

His words hit me cold and hard like a slap across the face. there wasn't anything I could say back because on some level he was right. I had fallen for Damon. Granted we never touched each other but it was on the emotional level. And I couldn't imagine how much it hurt Stefan being I had never dealt with that before. Without saying anything more I brushed pass him right out the front door. This was it. There would be no fixing it later or saying I'm sorry.

I wasn't entirely sure as to where I was going being going home wasn't much of an option since the town thought I was dead so I just stood there for a few seconds then started walking.

"Are we lost?" came a voice the made me jump

"No." I snapped

"Someone's cranky. Didn't have the makeup talk like you hoped?" Damon asked as he came out from under the shadowed tree

"It's your fault." I said in a low voice

"Going out of your way of blaming someone else for your own problems." Damon said "But that's okay I'll take your blame this time."

"Well it is your fault. You didn't leave me alone-"

"Yet you couldn't stay away. did Stefan even know you would come to see me behind his back?" Damon cut me off

I didn't say anything.

"Well then I guess you can't be mad at him. I take something from him when he takes something from me I figure it's well deserved." He said

"What are you talking about? Was this just a game to you?" I exclaimed

"It's nothing like that. It's just…complicated." He said with a pensive look

He wasn't like he was and maybe I had found something in him to love. It made me scared though because it was unfamiliar territory. Snapping me out of my thoughts I felt Damon grab my shoulders.

"I don't regret what I feel Elena I never have." He said

I sighed giving into my own desires. Because somewhere deep inside me I knew. I knew that it was him. It started as a pull then became a push. I didn't want to resist. Looking up at him he had this look that was sincere. Others would think this was strange but I had seen it so often that I had begun to love that look.

Then all of the sudden out of the corner of my eye I saw something bright flash by. I knew Damon had seen it too because he was looking around. Then it happened again and landed on the other side of the street. We both cautiously walked over to see what it was.

"What is it?" I asked

"Just a little fire but I don't understand." Damon replied

He was as confused as me. Before I knew it another fell from the sky and more behind that. Damon grabbed my hand and started running. It was like the apocalypse the way the fire rained down.

I felt terrified as we were dodging the fire coming down all around us.

"We need to find cover." I yelled

As I said that Damon turned a corner and we were running through someone's backyard.

"Come on Elena!" he said trying run faster

"I'm not a vampire here!" I snapped back

We ran up on the back wraparound porch of one the houses. I fell back against a wall and watched as fire fell from the dark skies. I wondered if I would make it till morning. Then I felt Damon take my hand. Looking over at him he pulled me closer in an effort to comfort me. it was safe to say there would be no sleep tonight.

**From here it's all caught up.**

~Bonnie~

"This would've been a whole lot easier in a bed you know." Stefan said as he put an arm around me pulling me closer.

I couldn't help but manage a giggle. We laid there on the carpet downstairs in front of the fireplace of the living room. I wasn't sure how what time it was but I had a feeling it was early.

"With you nothing is easy." I said

He chuckled a little then kissed my neck where there were two small puncture marks. He kissed lower.

"Mmmm you might want to stop before you start something you can't finish." I moaned

"Oh don't worry I always finish what start." He said moving to the other side of my neck

"And if Elena should come bursting in?" I managed

"I wouldn't worry about it."

I could feel him becoming aroused once more even more I wasn't worried at all.

"Well I need a shower." I said pulling away

"Well goo because so do I." he said as he got up too and picked me up and tossed me over his shoulder

"Stefan!" I yelled in a giggle "Put me down."

~ooo~

The warm shower did well to wash off the sweat from half the night but Stefan's roaming hands didn't help. After the shower I took my time getting dressed where as Stefan was done before me.

"It's awful rude to stare Salvatore." I said as I pulled my tank top over my head

"Blame the vixen." He said with a cheshire grin

"Oh yes it's all my fault I should've known." I said sarcastically

"At least you admit it."

He grinned even wider. Then I heard the downstairs door open.

"That Elena?" I asked

He just shrugged. I headed for the stairs as I tried putting my hair up and hopefully I wouldn't end up tripping and falling being multitasking was never my specialty. Stefan must've known the same thing because as I started down the stairs he had his hands on my waist to steady me. as I made my way downstairs Elena stood in the foyer looking distraught. Damon was leaning against a doorway looking like he always did, cocky yet mysterious.

"Everything okay you guys look like hell." I said

Elena didn't say anything at first. She just stared at us both blankly. That's when I realized Stefan's hands were still on my waist and I quickly brushed them off feeling awkward.

"Oh we're dandy. I mean it only rained fire last night like it was the end of the world yet you two don't look so worried." Damon spat

"We had our own problems last night. We kind of found out who or rather what is after Bonnie being he decided to drop by not long after you two walked out." Stefan said

"Well?" Damon asked with raised eyebrows

"His name is Zeke." I said

"Zeke oooh how scary." Damon said sarcastically

"He's a god." Stefan said

The room went quiet real fast. Not even Damon had a snappy comeback. For several moments no one said a word.

"Well that's a twist." Damon said finally

I only nodded. I had been brought right out of the heaven I was in early only to finally hit reality once again.

Looking at Damon it was like you could hear the gears in his mind going.

"What was his name again?" he asked

"Zeke." I replied

"Why Damon?" Elena asked

"I remember reading about a god back in my more human days. It wasn't long before I had decided to stop going to university because of Katherine. His name was Zieñelve or something like that. But he wasn't the one of those good ones we all dream about. He 's all about the chaos and destruction kind of thing." He explained "But from what I've read and only what I've read I know that if he wants something he more than likely won't stop at anything to get it. Even if it's the destruction of a world. But then again what's he after?"

Stefan looked over at me then next thing I knew everyone was looking at me.

"Well the world is definitely going to end." Damon said

"Damon!" Elena exclaimed

"Well it's true. I mean honestly any one here willing to say we're giving her to the destructo-god?"

No one said anything.

"That's what I thought."

I looked down at my shoes.

"I still say to avoid any death we give him the witch though." Damon said

"Damon." Elena and Stefan said simultaneously right as I said "Good idea."

Everyone looked at me.

"You cannot be serious." Elena said

"Well why not?"

"Bonnie after all of the horrible things he's done to you, you seriously want to go and join him?" Stefan hissed

"Not to mention with a powerful witch like you he just might tear the world apart with your help. He'd get what he wants and lets face it nobody gets what they want." Damon added

"Well it's not like we can fight him. I mean he is a god or hasn't that sunk in yet." I snapped

"It's sunk in all of us pretty deep red but you shouldn't have to do this. You shouldn't have to sacrifice all of yourself for everyone else's selfishness." He argued

I shook my head with a small smile on my face realizing an epiphany.

"Damon there's always a sacrifice. Always." I said "You two becoming vampires even Elena's death. When you want something there's always a price."

"What did you want?" he asked in a gentler voice

"To be free, to be loved for once." I said

I turned and walked into the kitchen and sat at the counter. I heard Elena come in behind me then put her hand on my knee but I didn't feel it. I didn't feel anything because I was too numb inside.

"How do we get into situations like this Bonnie?" she sobbed as she wrapped her arms around me in an embrace like hug

"We were damned long before we knew it. We never had a chance." I said

**Thank you for the reviews so far and if you liked this chapter then please review. Just click the blue button there and review good or bad.**


	13. Sacrifices That Pierce Our Souls

~Bonnie~

I didn't know what to do anymore. I was tired of thinking, I was tired of running from everything, I was just tired period. Would it be so bad to give in? What a stupid question that was. Of course it would be bad. Stefan would never let that happen. He'd die first before it could and I didn't even want to picture that. Were we even that serious after what happened last night? I mean we skipped bases one through three and went right to home plate. I didn't know anything anymore. The line between normal and supernatural was so thin I didn't see it.

"Well Fell's Church is emptying out due to the whole end of the world thing." Damon said as he came in

I just nodded. He stared at me as if trying to read my mind. But there was nothing there. It was just a black hole. He sat down beside me on the couch.

"So what now?"

"We figure a way to get you out."

I shook my head.

"There is no way out Damon. Not this time. Someone or all of us will die." I said

"Then why ask?"

"I don't know. I just figured a lie would sound nice but when I heard it, it sounded sad."

He put an arm around my shoulders.

"As annoying and whiney as you are I won't let that jack ass get his hands on you because as far as I'm concerned you're still my little bird." He said

I smirked at the somment. I hadn't heard him call me that in so long.

"So does that smile mean you forgive me?"

I looked over at him confused.

"I did try to drain you."

"Oh right. Uh I was never mad so I can't forgive you." I said

"Really?"

"Yep really. And now I think I'm going to go upstairs and get my gram's grimoire even though it probably won't do any good." I said as I stood up stretching

Elena was sleeping upstairs while Stefan was out hunting. So it was just me and Damon basically. As I went into my room I froze. There were foreign markings all over the walls.

"Wha-"

Before I even had the chance to turn and run something grabbed me from behind covering my mouth.

"I wouldn't make a sound if I were you." I heard a whisper in my ear

It wasn't Zeke. The voice was rougher.

"He wants you but if you die then he can't have you." He said

Sending a thrust of power at him he just chuckled.

"Don't even witch. It won't work." He said still chuckling "Your blood will free us from the end of the world."

I felt my eyes go really wide. Was this guy serious! He wanted me to be a sacrifice. Then all of the sudden I felt a blade slide over my stomach. I whimpered trying to get lose.

~Damon~

I stayed downstairs figuring Bonnie probably wanted to be alone. I was still puzzled as to why I couldn't get into her mind. When I tried it was all dark as if there was nothing left of her and if there was she was locked away. Not against her will but as if she was trying to protect everyone from her and vice versa. Then all of the sudden I heard a crash upstairs.

I was upstairs in Bonnie' s room before Elena got one foot out of her own door.

"What happened!" she exclaimed

I just looked at the broken window and the markings all over the wall. Taking a deep breath my eyes shot toward the floor. There were small droplets of blood leading toward the window. She didn't go of her free will. She was kidnapped. I turned to Elena who looked like she was having a heart attack.

"Damon where is she?" she said sobbing

"Elena hun? I need you to be calm."

"But-"she started

"You see those marks?"

She only nodded.

"I need you to go to the study and look them up okay?" I said taking her face into my hands gently

"What about you?"

"I need to go find Stefan." I said

"Find me for what?"

We both looked at him. Then he looked past us into the room.

"What the hell?"

"Stefan calm down." I said putting my hands on his shoulders

"Calm down?"he exclaimed

"Yes! You're of no use when you don't think straight." I said a bit louder

He shoved me backwards a bit. Pacing a little he turned and hit the wall sending his fist right on through it. I looked at Elena and just nodded. I watched as she made her way down the hall and made a right into the study.

"She'll be okay."

"And what makes you so sure? If something doesn't kill she's sure to kill herself." Stefan snapped

"Yeah and that's what her friends are here for. We protect her from everything including herself because she would do the same for us." I snapped back

Stefan's eyes softened at those words.

"I'm going to help Elena." I said then walked past him

~Stefan~

I slid down the wall. My head fell into my hands. I couldn't feel more exhausted than I did right now. It might as well have been the end of the world because everything was crashing and burning all around us no matter what. If whatever took her didn't kill her Zeke more than likely would. Maybe it was Zeke who took her. He said that he loved her and the way he loved her was in a way that if he couldn't get her he'd make sure no one did. I already had her though. I've had her for the longest time and hadn't realized it until it was probably too late. Granted we skipped the going out on a date phase.

"Hey Stefan!" Elena called

I got up and walked into the study wondering what she found.

"I'm finding this symbol from the wall throughout this entire book but it's talking about sacrifices and stuff. The usual creepy occult myths." She said showing it to me

"It's about blood." I said reading it a little

"Why blood?" she asked

"It's always blood Elena. It's what ties us to life and each other. It's what keeps Stefan and I alive. It is life." Damon explained

"Well now that we know what will happen I think what we need is where it will happen." She said closing the book and tossing it aside

"These guys are traditional." Damon said

"And tonight is a new moon." I added

Damon nodded.

~Bonnie~

"Let me go!" I screamed trying to get loose of the hands that had a hold of me

No one listened. Instead the tow lifted me off of my feet and laid me down on this stone like table with the same marks I had seen in my room. Then they tied my hands down above my head.

"Just stop please!" I begged

They all started chanting something. And the one who tied me down came around to the side and pulled out a dagger. He raised it high above my stomach. I screamed as he started to bring it down fast at me. Then all of the sudden the dagger olbiviated into nothing before it hit me. All of them stopped chanting and looked over to see Zeke standing underneath a tree.

"You shouldn't touch what's not yours." He said

He snapped his fingers and the guy beside me obliterated like the knife. He was just dust in the wind like that. I was too busy trying to get free of my bonds as the others stood and pulled out knives as well. I watched as they went at him and he pulled out a sword. He effortlessly cut them down like they were grass. It was a complete massacre. It only took a matter of minutes for me to be surrounded by bodies.

"You should be more careful love." Zeke said as he dropped the sword and made his way over to me

He untied the bonds then picked me up and set me on my feet. I took a few steps backward but he matched the steps.

"Bonnie!"

I turned around to see who was yelling my name. Damon and Stefan stopped a few feet away from us. They must've of ran at the speed that was natural for them. Then I felt Zeke grab my hand and pull me back into his arms.

"Let her go." Stefan growled

"I'm only taking what's mine." Zeke said

I pulled away from his arms and turned to face him.

"Just a goodbye at least?" I asked

He hesitated at first then nodded. I turned and walked over towards Stefan. Caressing his cheek I leaned up to kiss it.

"Let's face it Stefan. We were never going to win." I said

I looked down at the sword on the ground then back up at Stefan. They were silent words but I hoped he understood. I turned and started to walk back over to Zeke. I felt Stefan try to hold onto my hand as our fingers parted. Looking back I saw the tears in his eyes and Damon looked ready to kill.

"Let's go love." I said numbly

Zeke smiled and put his hands around my waist then leaned down till his lips brushed across mine. It pained me to even touch him let alone to be forced into something like this. tears flowed down my cheeks freely.

~Stefan~

My eyes followed hers as she looked down at the sword on the ground.

_It's his._

They were silent words but I knew I wouldn't see her for a long time. If ever again and the two words just weren't registering completely. I couldn't let her go. I wouldn't. I wanted to do something anything but if I did I'd risk my life and hers.

I watched as she went back over to him and he put his arms around her. I wanted to stop it all and even more I wanted to stop him from kissing her. I noticed tears flow down her cheeks as he did. She was scared.

As their lips parted he looked down at her.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked

"Tears of joy." She lied

But he smiled and like that they were gone in that misty way he left last time we saw him.

"You let him go!" Damon yelled at me

"There was no choice. He would've killed us."

Damon pinched the bridge of his nose.

"But at least we have this." I said picking up the sword

Damon looked at me then smirked.

"I think we found a way to kill the bastard." He said

It was the first good news I had heard in a very long time.

**Thank you for reading! And if you could please review!**


	14. Save Me

~Bonnie~

We landed in front of a large house that looked to be not far from the shore of a beach being I could hear waves not far off. It also looked like a rain forest. Everything was so beautiful and full of color.

"Where are we?" I asked

"Home." Zeke answered squezzing my hand gently

Home? Did I even have one of those? I had been back and forth between so many places that I didn't know where home really was. A home was a place with good memories where you wanted to grow old and yet I failed to have any of that.

"It'll be okay now love." Zeke said reassuringly

I only nodded holding back tears as I took in the landscape.

As we went inside I froze. He chuckled a little.

"We have forever to explore the natural beauty of this place but right now I would like to spend tonight admiring you." He said tugging me along

As we went upstairs he starting pulling me along to this room. I stopped pulling my hand from his. He gave a hard look that was almost a glare.

"Look you were right when you said we have forever so how about for tonight you let me rest." I proposed

"I have been as patient as a god can be about watching his love sleep with a dead thing so I would prefer not." He growled

My eyes went wide and I took a step back feeling terrified.

"Oh yes I saw it." he hissed

"I don't even care if you did." I said

For several moments the only thing to be heard was the wild life outside echoing through the house.

"I will not be denied." He growled

"No matter what you do to me you will never make me love you." I said

I turned to walk back downstairs when he gripped my arm tight and slammed me against the wall.

"You will love or so help me I will kill you." He said inches away from my face

I whimpered a little knowing the grip he had on me would leaves bruises.

"If I can't love you no one can. Keep that in mind." He whispered in my ear

"Go to hell." I growled knowing those words let alone would get me killed

I only hoped it would be quick. But instead he chuckled.

"I see the fire in your eyes and it blazes." He said

Then all of the sudden his lips crushed against mine. Flashes of what he had done last time came rushing back and every part of me started fighting.

"No." I exclaimed pushing him away

I was backing away ready to turn and run. But he looked at me hungrily and right as I turned around to run he was standing right there in front of me.

"You're not going anywhere." He said his eyes still fixated on me

I could feel my stomach churning. Then all of the sudden he shoved me against the wall. Trying to wriggle free of his grip he gripped me tighter.

"It would be easier if you didn't fight." He said

"Just let me go." I pleaded

"Never."

Then all of the sudden I saw a huge fist coming at me and everything went black. When I woke I up I was lying in a large bed naked and my clothes were shredded lying all over the floor. My whole body ached. Zeke laid not far from me.

"No." I breathed shivering as I held myself

When I tried to remember last night all I got was a lot of feeble fighting and thing I preferred not to remember. Then all of the sudden I got up and rushed into the nearby bathroom. Gripping the porcelain bowl I vomited all through it. Every inch of me felt sick. I sat there against the wall. Taking in the design of the bathroom I noticed something shiny by the sink. Picking it up I saw it was one of the old fashioned razors.

_You know how it feels so it wouldn't hurt. You can get out of this right now. That is if you want to take the easy way and not hold on long enough for your "dead like me" friends to come along._

I silenced my thoughts instantly. There was no guarantee that they would find me. I held it against my wrist but didn't press hard enough to draw blood. I couldn't bring myself to do it either. Dropping the razor to the floor I walked back out into the room. I grabbed the remainder of my clothing and put them on. There were excessive holes in my jeans and my tank top had a huge rip in the back. Looking in the mirror, quietly as I could I ripped my jeans so that they were shorts. Then I found my dark green sweatshirt and slipped over my head. I was a decent as could be expected except for the obvious bruises. I had one circling my eye following down to the cut on my cheek where there was another surrounding bruise. Not to mention the bruises that looked like grip marks on my arms. I was a walking and talking bruise period.

I looked back at Zeke who was still sleeping and walked out of the room as quietly as I could. There was no point in running away being there was nowhere to exactly run off to. So I just headed down to the beach.

Collapsing in the sand I just started crying.

_Someone or something just please save me. _

I felt a surge of power leave me and I fell back into the sand as the blue sky faded and my eyes closed from exhaustion.

~Stefan~

"Okay your plan is a rather dumbass one there little brother."

"Well I didn't ask you to be a part of it. So if you're with me then be with me if not get the hell out of my way!" I yelled

"Alright then but how do you propose to get to her. we have no idea where she is."

"She'll find you." Elena said

We both looked at her.

"You know her. She always finds a way of finding you not the other way around." She said

I took a deep breath.

"Yeah and right now we don't know if she's alive or dead." Damon said

"She's alive."

"How do you know?" he asked

I knew this was the start of what could be a very long argument.

"I can feel it Damon. Just trust me."

Then all of the sudden there was this bright flash of light out of the corner of my eye and then it was gone. They both shut up rather quickly. Looking in the direction it came from I didn't see anything at all.

"I didn't do it." Damon said

Then after a few seconds he reached out his hand in the direction the light came from and the area just rippled. Like it was a door to somewhere else.

"Looks like you got what you wanted." I said Damon looked at me

"So we go?" he questioned

"No time better than now."

He nodded then turned to Elena. I looked away from them and grabbed the sword. A part of me wanted to shove it right through him but who know what would happen. We didn't find anything on what the sword was. There was no history on it anywhere. Plus I needed him to help as much as I didn't ;like admitting it.

"Ready?" Damon asked

"I can't think of a better way to die." I muttered to myself.

**Hope you loved the chapter and the best way to tell me is in a review. So hit that blue button and leave one. Loads of pleases and thank yous. **


	15. The Essence of Us All

**Thank you for the reviews everyone I'm really happy about them and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. I'm not entirely sure on how many more chapters there will be but there shouldn't be more than 4-5 more. See you at the bottom.**

~Bonnie~

I could feel a set of arms pick me up out of the sand. I wanted to fight but I couldn't find the strength to even bother. Things sunk deep into a black hole for me and then there was nothing.

The next thing I knew I felt cold water splashing over my body. I shrieked and shivered as it covered me head to toe.

"Trying to escape has consequences for even you Bonnie." Zeke said looking down at me

"I wasn't trying to escape." I hissed "And even if I could there's nowhere for me to go."

He ignored my words and continued.

"I will show what happens when you try to leave me."

It took me a few extra minutes to shake off the numbness the cold water had brought to realize my hands were bound by rope to two poles on either side of me.

"Let me go Zeke." I asked or rather ordered

"You must learn." He said

His eyes looked pained as he said that. It looked as if he didn't want to do it but wasn't given any other choice. I felt nothing but disgust.

Looking around for anything that could help get me out of this I saw nothing. It was a bare room with nothing but the door in front of me. I tried an unbinding spell but nothing happened. I muttered it to myself over and over again but still nothing happened. I was screwed at this point. Whatever was coming was going to be bad. Real bad.

My vision started to get blurry as tears filled my eyes. Feeling more scared than I had felt in years I looked up at Zeke.

"I'm sorry." He said apologetically

"Go back to the hell you came from." I spat trying to keep myself from breaking

But it was too late. I had broken a long time ago. I had broken when I became Elena's shadow.

Zeke's facial expression didn't change as he pulled out a whip from mid air. But my eyes went wide just looking at it. He wasn't serious was he? He walked behind me.

I gripped the rope within my hands praying he wouldn't do it. I saw it happen to Elena and even helped ease the pain the second time it happened to her but I couldn't go through this. I'd pass out before the third hit.

Before I had any chance I felt a lash across my back leaving a sting that throbbed across my back. I didn't scream, but a whimper threatened my lips. By the sixth lash I screaming begging him to stop but he didn't. My back had grown numb of all pain soon enough and I could feel the blood trickle down my back and hit my feet. My wrists had chaffed so bad from trying to get free from the ropes that they were bleeding as well.

"Please…" I pleaded

The ropes loosened and I felt too weak to stay up on my own and fell forward onto the cold floor. It felt like a relief. I just closed my eyes.

"Look at me." he ordered

I opened my eyes and looked up at the many forms I had seen him take. It was Stefan I saw and just looking at the mimic version made me hurt.

"You can either love me or be alone for the rest of your life because you won't ever see him again." He growled

"I'd rather be alone than be beaten to death." I breathed

"So be it."

I listened as he stood and left the room closing the door behind him and locked it. I just closed my eyes again not wanting to move and put myself through more pain.

~Stefan~

"You go first." Damon said

I huffed and walked through the portal like door and stopped. Damon came through right after me.

"You don't just stand there after going through, you move." He said sarcastically but stopped like I did

The landscape was utterly amazing to a point that there weren't words for it. the moon lit up the beach we were on and made the sand look white as the waves crashed onto it.

"So where do we start looking exactly." Damon said as he still took in the environment

"There." I said pointing up to the manor not far from here

As we headed up to the manor it was silent.

Walking into the foyer we stopped. Fire lamps surrounding the foyer lit up all at once. Zeke was here. I couldn't see him but I could feel it.

"Go find Bonnie." I ordered

He just gave me a look.

"Go."

He turned and ran at what our natural speed was.

"I see you've found something that belongs to me. Care to give it back?" Zeke said coming out

"You'll get it back when I shove it through you." I snarled

"And here I had half a mind not to kill you for Bonnie's sake." He said

And before I knew it I saw a fist coming at me sending me backwards knocking the sword out of my hand.

~Damon~

Rushing down the corridor I could smell the sweet smell that was familiar to me. The farther I walked the closer it got. I stopped right in front of the door where it came from. Turning the door knob I found it was locked so I just turned it even more breaking it. Walking in the room I froze at the doorway. There was blood everywhere and Bonnie was laying in some of it.

I could hear her heartbeat surprisingly. But to anyone who took a first glance at her she would be considered dead. It took everything within me not to finish the job and put her out of her misery though. I hadn't even realized my fangs had extended till I licked my lips.

Slowly walking over to her I knelt down beside her and picked her up. She shrieked crying out in pain as I did. There were multiple whip lashes across her back. Sitting there I did the only rational thing I could think of. I bit down on my wrist and held it to her mouth. She accepted it willingly and drank. Then I started to pull away but she wouldn't let me. I pulled away quickly.

"You have to stop." I said

She was on the edge of death and if she took anymore Elena and Stefan would murder me for what the consequences could be. The wounds weren't healing very quickly which meant there was more than I could see. Grabbing her wrist to put around my neck she yelped. I looked down to see the bleeding wrists. So I just picked her up in my arms and walked out of the room. After making it down the stairs Stefan came flying through the stone wall not two feet ahead of me. The look on his face was determined. Not even bothering to acknowledge me he got back up and ran through the wall he was just thrown through.

"Damon…" Bonnie breathed

~Bonnie~

He looked down at me.

"Put me down." I managed

Setting me down my legs gave out when they hit the ground, but Damon caught me and set me back against the wall. I cringed a little as my blistered skin met the rough wall.

"Bonnie-"he started

But as went to go I grabbed his hand.

"Help me." I said

He looked at Stefan then looked back at me and nodded.

I leaned my head back against the wall trying to think. And after a few moments it was like a light bulb had gone off in my head. I could only hope that what I was about to do would help.

"Did you still want to help?" I asked as looked over at Damon

He only nodded. I gripped his hand tighter.

I muttered "Mues vires est vestri vires."

The next thing I saw was a blue light from Damon and a red light from me come from our bodies and go right into Stefan who was on the ground. Damon felt up and down his body.

"I'm tired." I managed

"Look." Damon said but i jsut leaned my head down on his shoulder

~Stefan~

A sudden jolt hit me like getting struck by lightning. Then as Zeke went to hit me, I caught the fist inches from my face. He gave a look of surprise but it wasn't enough to seem scared. Twisting his wrist I heard it snap. Then I kicked him backwards and stood. I felt stronger and faster. There was something else but the power I felt running through my veins was something I couldn't recognize. It all felt so good. As Zeke stood I swung at him even though he was at least five feet away and flame came from my hand making me jump back. I looked down at my own hands with no idea what was going on.

"Seems miss Bonnie is around here somewhere." Zeke said as he stood and brushed himself off

I looked around and quickly found her. Damon was beside her and she was barely recognizable. She looked like a dead body, like she'd been murdered. Zeke saw her too and had an evil grin on his face. Before he could get the chance to jump Damon, I was in front of him and hit him in the gut.

"And don't worry I won't hold back anymore." he added

He caught me across the jaw then grabbed my hair and yanked back so that he was looking at me. Quickly grabbing his hand I turned and kicked him. I stood there catching my breath as he tried to stand. He was bleeding and the one thing I knew is a god never bleeds. But i wouldn't get anywhere with just beating him to death. I searched for the weapon but didn't see it.

"Looking for this?"

Zeke held it in his hand. I took a step back. I was going to have to make the first move.

As I charged at him I sent a surge of what looked like lightning at him. Movements were so quick that it was like a blur. But he was faster and I could barely keep up. Dodging it as it crossed my path I felt it lash across my side. Then as I went hit him he swung again and grazed my cheek with the blade. Moving as fast as I could, I grabbed the wrist that held the hilt of the sword and twisted his hand enough then thrusted it right through him.

He stood there motionless. I just stood there and watched as he faded to dust. Then I just fell to my knees and looked down at the sword that lay on the floor.

"Stefan." I heard Damon say

I looked up at him and he was carrying Bonnie in his arms. She was a bloody mess and it tore me up to look at her, but it looked like she was resting. Which was good, she deserved the rest. I pulled a few of the strands of hair out of her face and sighed. No one could go through something like this and come out completely sane. _No life was worth living. Not if there weren't people like her in the world _I thought to myself as I looked down at her.

**Okay I tried really hard to get what each of them was feeling in this chapter so I hope you liked it. Especially since it deleted the second have when I went to save it. Anyways I would appreciate it if you would review so hit the little blue button. **

**P.S the phrase mues vires est vestri vires is latin for your strength is my strength(just in case you were curious:])**


	16. A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

~Elena~

"What are they doing up there?" I asked

"Sleeping." Damon said as he swung his arm around me and pulled me closer

"For three weeks?"

"Trust me. They're sleeping." He confirmed

"Wow." I said

"They deserve it. no one could ever understand what they went through or what exactly happened that brought something like that down on them." He said

"You know that almost sounded sweet of you." I said grinning

"Don't get used to it." he said

I giggled a little as he gave me a skeptical look.

~Bonnie~

"Oh really?" I challenged

"Yeah really." Matt said

I couldn't help but smile. Matt always made me smile. Even when I was in a bad mood.

"Well I'll just have to prove you wrong won't I?" I said

"Good luck."

"Don't need it."

"Don't need what?" Elena asked as she joined the conversation

"Matt thinks I won't ask Robert out."

Elena gave me one of her looks that said she agreed with him.

"You're a party pooper anyways." I said

"Oh Bon I just don't want you to get rejected especially if he has a girlfriend."

"You didn't tell me that!" I yelled hitting Matt in the arm as he busted up laughing

"Well I thought I would hold out on that part." He said as he tried to breathe

"Whoa matt breathe you look like you're ready to have a heart attack." Meredith said as she sat beside me

"Oh I'll do more than make him have a heart attack." I said

Then all of the sudden what Meredith said next came out mute. She was saying something but I couldn't hear it. Then they all looked at me. I just looked down at the table. _This was the way things used to be. Simple and easy and never a care in the world. I wish it could go back to those days._

I sat there and watched each of them fade away from the lunch table. I could feel my tears run down my cheeks as everything left the clutches of my hands.

"Bonnie?"

I looked up to see Stefan standing in the doorway.

"Are you okay?"

I huffed and got up.

"You always ask that! Are you dense nor something? Of course I'm not okay! I'm crying and if that doesn't tell you I'm not okay then I don't know what will!" I exclaimed

He just stood there, his green eyes looking into mine. I just turned grabbed what seemed to be my school books and left. I walked down an empty hallway where some of the lockers were open. Then I walked into a classroom and sat down in a desk close to the back. Looking up at the board I Mr. Saltzman saying something and pointing to the board but it wasn't long before he faded too. I sat there alone in the classroom. Looking down at the school books I picked them up and threw them across the room. Then I ran out of the classroom and down the hall.

"Bonnie!"

I stopped in my tracks and turned around. Stefan stood at the end of the hall with a mixed expression of being scared and worried. I just shook my head and started running again. I didn't want to stop. I was afraid that if I did I might stop in a place I didn't want to be. I just wanted to run and never stop.

As I rounded the next corner a set of arms reached out and stopped me.

"No! Let go!" I yelled trying to get free

But he didn't let go. Instead he tried to pull me into his arms.

"It's your fault! If you had never come here we would be okay. It's all your fault!" I screamed

Tears flooded my face and more than ever I just wanted get away. I gave in and felt his arms around me holding me up from falling as my knees gave out.

"Why didn't you just go away?" I cried

"You think I didn't try?" he said looking down at me

"I don't want this anymore. Make it go away." I pleaded

He didn't say anything.

"I'm afraid." I whispered

"Me too." he said

I looked up at him. Everything looked blurry through my crying. As he caressed my cheek gently I felt his thumbs wipe the tears away. My breath was staggering.

"Can I go now?" I asked

A look of confusion crossed his face.

"Go where?" he asked

"I can go and everything will be okay. I don't have a reason to go back and now I can go forward." I said

He looked down at me.

"No. you have every reason. You have Elena and Matt and Meredith and a lot of people who care about you."

"They have lives that don't include me Stefan. They grew up. Now it's my turn." I said

"And what exactly would happen?"

"I'd imagine that I would fade away like they did." I said

"What if I don't want you to fade away?" he asked

It had me taken aback.

"Why? I am a burden and anyone can see it. I should've been in an asylum a long time ago but instead I have people taking care of me and not themselves. It's only fair."

"To who?" he said

"To those who had to skip their own life to care of mine." I said softly

He just shook his head at me in utter disbelief.

"So you would commit suicide basically."

"No." I said smiling "There are higher powers than anyone can imagine. I can join them Stefan."

"Call me selfish but I hate it." he said

"Why?"

"Why! Bonnie you brought me back from something that was nearly impossible. There was so much I had never experienced but you just broke down every door."

"And you saved me from the dark plunge of what was beyond that door." I said

I could tell he was fighting back tears now.

"I don't understand why you don't want to let go."

"Because I've let go of so many things and I want something for me."

I reached out to touch his cheek but he grabbed my wrist before I could touch him. He yanked me forward pressing his lips on mine. I pushed away with my hand to my mouth.

This wasn't I wanting. I was hoping he'd be supportive of me becoming a greater being. But here he was falling apart.

He still had a hold of my wrist. Then he fell to his knees. I didn't know what to do.

"Now is the time." I heard behind me

Looking behind me I saw what looked like a floating body in flames. I just sighed then looked back down at Stefan.

"I can't." I said not regretting the choice

I thought I wasn't needed anymore. if anything I thought I was a nuisance but I was wrong.

"You won't get this opportunity again Miss McCullough. Are you prepared for life ahead?"

"I know it won't be easy. I know that I will more than likely be dead within the next three years if not sooner but I can't." I said

The embodied flame moved to face Stefan.

"You have taken her from a great purpose. It will be your fault when she dies and her soul is lost forever. Take care of her. She can't do it on her own." It said

Stefan remained on his knees and just looked up.

"You may wake when you wish." It said

Then it fizzled away. Kneeling down in front of him I lifted his chin so his eyes met mine.

"This place is depressing. Take me somewhere please?" I asked attempting a smile

Taking my hand I watched as the whole scenery changed. It was so beautiful that it literally took my breath away.

"We're in Florence aren't we?"

"The way I see it yes." He answered

I smiled taking it in.

"I knew you'd love it." he whispered in my ear

~Damon~

Elena fell asleep on the couch. So I walked upstairs real quick to check o the other two. It had become a habit lately. As I peeked through the bedroom door I saw Stefan's arm hold Bonnie tighter and his hand took hers. Going to close the door I thought I saw a small smile on the redhead's face.


	17. No Hurry To Get Up

**I know last chapter was probably confusing but that's usually how a dream works I guess.**

~Bonnie~

Turning over I felt someone else there beside me. He was warm and comforting and everything I never I could feel. It was every feeling I thought I had lost a long time ago when things had become colder.

I nuzzled deeper into his chest as he squeezed me lightly. I was becoming more awake but didn't want to move from the spot I was in. I didn't want to shatter whatever nice hazy moment there was left.

"We will have to get up at some point." I heard Stefan grumble

"No we don't. I have no problem staying right here."

"In this position?"

I couldn't hide the smile when he asked that question.

"The position could be discussed." I said

I felt him chuckle a little then kiss the top of my head. Closing my eyes I took in a deep breath taking in the smell of him. It would be one I would never forget because of all people he made me live. He never gave me a choice on living or dying. Of everyone he didn't let go.

"Thank you." I heard him whisper

"For what?" I asked

"You didn't go when you could've but you stayed."

"What can I say? I had a pretty good reason to stay and a surprising one at that." I said

Looking up into his endless green eyes I saw him smile at the comment. The way he looked at me made me shiver and it was giving me the butterflies. So many feelings returned that I thought had been long lost. It made me nervous inside. Could I handle the feelings and give them in return? In some semblance I had managed to find a piece of myself. But would it stay?

I sat up on the edge of the bed breaking from his arms. But he followed up beside me.

"Worried?" he asked

"Good guess." I replied

"Take a deep breath then take the plunge. It always worked for me." he said "That is when I finally took the plunge."

I laughed a little. His arm crept around and like a warm blanket. Leaning into him I felt all tenseness fade away as he held me.

"The plunge isn't what scares me so much. It's the ground I'd be hitting that does." I replied

"If it's any consolation I will be there to catch you." He said

"Good to know." I said

Lying back on the bed I wrapped my arms around him. We just laid there with no plan on moving. Letting out a content sigh I closed my eyes again with the image of his eyes still clear in my mind so reassuring.

"You can't go back to sleep. We have to get up and go tell the worried people downstairs that we're still alive." Stefan mumbled

"No we don't." I mumbled back

Instead of bickering with me he just rolled over on top of me.

"Are you trying to intimidate me?" I asked "If so it's working."

He smiled then leaned down and brushed his lips across. Something new and different came over me. It was just the heat of the moment and something we both needed but now I couldn't identify it. More than anything I felt lost and found at the same time.

He took my bottom lip first then took them both. Was it supposed to feel like this? Was it supposed to feel right? Wrapping my arms around his neck I pulled him closer to me. I had no intention of letting go of the man within my arms. I was afraid that if I did I'd be alone.

I could feel his hand trail down my side which was my cue to stop before things got out of hand. Pulling away I sat up.

"Maybe you're right about going down stairs." I said

He was making it really hard to even think about getting up.

"Nope you changed my mind." He breathed into my ear as he kissed my neck.

"Stefan…" I warned

My eyes fluttered shut as I started leaning back into him nearly giving in

"Bonnie we're teenager not adults. There's nothing wrong with wanting this." he whispered

"Oh god please." I managed

But he wasn't stopping the torture.

"I want something and what I want is you. Just give in it'll save you." He whispered

Turning quickly my lips met his instantly not letting up as my tongue met his with what felt like a static shock. He growled as my hips grinded against his. Everything around had gone hazy like time was fast forwarding or it just stopped and I didn't have a care in the world.

_When was something so wrong supposed to be right? _I thought

_Never that's why it's right._

"That's why I'm going to leave you here like this." I said getting up and heading for the door

"What! No you're not." He said sitting up

I could tell it was killing him.

"Oh yes I am."

"Why?" he whined

"Because I can." I giggled

"No you can't."

"Oh I can." I said

"Cruel. Just cruel." He said lying back

I couldn't stop giggling.

"I'll get you back for this." he said

"I look forward to it." I said

Then turning I walked out closing the door behind me. I hesitated at the top of the stairs debating with myself on whether I should go down or just jump out the window and do this another day.

"You might as well come downstairs." Damon called up the stairs

"Of course you can hear me." I muttered

Walking down slowly I saw Elena sleeping on the couch while Damon was sitting across from her.

"Hungry?" he asked

"Surprisingly no." I answered

"That is a surprise since you two have been out for the past three and a half weeks." He said

"Sorry." I mumbled

"Don't be. I think Elena will be happy to know you're still alive when she wakes up." he said

"You're not so happy?"

"Haven't decided yet. On one hand you're whiney and annoying on the other you're a powerful witch who could kill me if she put her mind to it." he said

"Oh." Was all I could manage

I turned and walked into the kitchen. Making it through the doorway I started to see black dots.

"Is that normal?" I asked now taking shallow breaths

"Is what normal?"

"All the black dots." I managed

The room started spinning before me and I had no idea how to make it stop. Why wouldn't it stop? Getting dark my knees gave out and everything went dark.

~Damon~

She hit the floor hard.

"Bonnie?" I said shaking her

She wasn't responding at all.

"I told her to be prepared."

Looking up I saw what looked like some fairytale. It looked all fiery like and mystical.

"What the hell?"

"Now she'll be lost. What a shame." It said then fizzled away

I looked back at the unconscious Bonnie. Shaking her again there was no response. I bit down on my wrist and held it to her mouth letting it flow down her throat. Stefan could attempt to kill me later for saving her. But it wasn't having any effect on her. She didn't wake and she didn't move. From there I had no idea what to do.

"Elena." I said

There was no answer.

"Elena!" I yelled feeling helpless to say the least


	18. Just Stay

~Elena~

Rushing into the ER there were doctors buzzing everwhere.

"Help! We need a doctor something's wrong with my friend!" I shouted

A nurse rushed over helping Damon get her onto a gurney. Looking down at Bonnie her pale complexion nearly matched that of the bed sheets. Her lips were pale and she looked dead. a doctor rushed over and started pushing her into a room.

"What's wrong?" he asked

I looked at Damon being he was the only one with her.

"She just passed out." he said

"Did she eat anything that could've triggered an allergic reaction?"

"No she had just woken up and fell to the floor. Now what's wrong?" he insisted

"We won't know till we do a few tests until then please stay in the waiting area." The doctor said

We stood there and watched as Bonnie went through the double doors. We sat there for hours which only increased our worry. Stefan didn't move once from his position three seats down. The look in his eyes was serious and angry.

"Stefan…" I started

"What Elena?" he hissed

"She'll be okay." I said but even I didn't believe myself

"You don't know that Elena so why don't you do us both a favor and be quiet." He said

"Stop being an ass." Damon said

"I'm not being an ass. That's your job."

"Then get whatever's stuck up your butt sideways out. Because a temper tantrum doesn't look good on someone your age." Damon said

Stefan stayed quiet after that. Not because he didn't have a comeback but because the doctor came out and was walking our way. Stefan was the first to his feet.

"Is she okay?" he asked

In the back of my mind it hit me hard that he was more concerned about her rather than me. but I guess since the break that that's who had chosen to become closer with. Though I wondered how close they had really become even though it wasn't my business.

"She's awake. One of you can go in and see her for right now." The doctor said "She doesn't need a lot of people crowding her when she needs her rest."

Stefan nodded then started heading in the direction of her room. Though I wanted to protest and go see her first I let him go.

"What's wrong with her?" Damon asked

"Well it seems she's been sick for quite a while. if she would've come in sooner-"

"If she came in sooner what?" Damon said starting to get infuriated

"We could fix it. but right now it's surrounding all of her major organs and there's nothing we can do."

"What is this 'it'?" I asked

"She's in the third stage of having cancer." He doctor said

He didn't even make eye contact when he said it. And when he did say it I felt my whole body go numb from the words.

_*"I am going to die young and beautiful." Bonnie said like it was a good thing_

"_Bonnie!"_

"_Well it's true. Or so I was told." She said*_

I felt the wall behind me as I slid down to the floor.

"She knew long before that she was sick. She knew before she was even a witch." I mumbled

Damon started pacing furiously. The doctor had walked away after saying he was sorry.

"We can change her." Damon said

"No. we can't not if she doesn't want it Damon."

"Do it by force. It always works." He said

"No. not this time Damon." I said

"But-"

I had no more words to speak and all that came out were choked sobs as tears flooded my face as an unstoppable force. I felt Damon beside me as he slung an arm around me.

~Bonnie~

Looking around the room I realized how much it really creeped me out. As I was thinking of a way to get out of here I heard a sigh coming from the doorway. Stefan stood there and just looked at me. He didn't come in the room and for several minutes which felt like hours he didn't anything.

"So you're just going to stand there?" I asked

"I haven't decided." He said

I nodded then flung back the covers. I took the heart monitor thing on my finger off along with everything else that was attached to me.

"What are you doing?" he asked seeming alarmed

"Well you wouldn't come over so I came to you." I replied

He chuckled a little but his eyes were terrified. Trying to hide it he picked me up and put me back in bed then joined me and put the covers over both of us.

"Do you know what's wrong?" he asked as I laid down against his chest

"Yes I do. I've known for quite a while." I said

He didn't act shocked or betrayed when I said that. He just nodded for me to keep going.

"I'm sick." I said

"Well I'm sure you'll get better then." He said

"No Stefan I'm sick." I said trying to get the point across

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" he asked now starting to sound scared

"As nice as attention is I don't want the whole pity party thing. I'm not too worried to be honest. There have been a lot of things to take my mind off of it." I said

"Bonnie… I could-"

"Stefan I just want to lay here okay? The room is spinning and I'm pretty sure they gave me every drug known to man to make me feel less pukish. So just for a little while let's not talk about it." I said

The rest was silence. I'm sure if his heart beated it would've been the only I heard. But I was content with his breathing.

"Thank you for being here." I said as the future started to become more clear

Well the fact that I didn't have much of a future left. At that moment I started crying even though I had fought so long not to cry about this. But after everything I had finally found something good in my life only to have it taken away. I didn't care if he were a monster because that's one thing I didn't see in him. I only saw the part of him that made him human.

"I'm always here Bonnie." He whispered "Always here."

He held me tighter and I knew that he was crying now too. I felt terrified and I didn't know how to make it go away. I wanted to make everything feel better and act like nothing was wrong but I didn't know how to do that either.

"Are you going to stay?" I stammered

"I had no plan on moving from this spot." He answered

Closing my eyes the tears still managed to get passed and trail down my cheeks. Time was getting short and I wondered if I fell asleep if I would wake up. I had no idea what would happen now because I was cutting it close.

"Just… stay with me." he whispered as I felt one of his hands settle in my curls

I nodded. My body felt so tired and worn down that I didn't want to move. My legs stayed intertwined with his as did his fingers in between my own. I don't think there was much of anything anyone could've done, especially since I hadn't told anyone about it.

~Damon~

I pulled Elena to her feet and started heading toward the double doors.

"Damon the doctor said only one at a time." Elena said stopping me

"Do you always do what you're told because your best friend is back there and probably wants her best friend with her." I said looking down at her

She thought about it for a moment then brushed pass me toward Bonnie's room. She took a seat next to the bed and watched the two in the bed sleep. I just stood in the doorway for a few moments. Then turning I walked out looking for a phone.

After finding one I started dialing a number, thanking myself for having a photographic memory.

"Hello?" came from the other line

"Hey I'm looking for Mutt I mean Matt Honeycutt." I said

"Hold on."


	19. Trail Of Tears

**For everyone who's read this story and left reviews I want to say thank you. I know that probably sounds worn out but I do appreciate the feedback. There'll be two more chapters left and I hope you enjoy the rest.**

~Bonnie~

My eyelids felt heavy and didn't want to open. But when I finally managed to open them the first thing I saw was Matt in a chair with his head tilted back sleeping. Meredith sat on the ground not far from him leaning back against the wall sleeping too. Sitting against the other wall I saw Damon looking at me as Elena was in his arms sleeping.

"Thank you." I mouthed

He just nodded. Not even bothering to move I just sat there and watched as they slept. Looking up at Stefan I smiled to myself. He was still there. As if on cue he squeezed me gently in a reassuring way then a smile crept across his face.

"You're awake." He whispered

"Mhm and am hungry." I answered

"Well I can fix that." He said

Smirking I sat up and started getting out of bed. But then Stefan was right in front of me stopping me.

"What?" I asked

"I'll get it." he offered

"I'm not broken. I can get up and get food plus my legs are stiff." I said

He sighed in defeat and offered out his hand. Taking it I stood feeling wobbly.

"Maybe you should just lay back." He said

"Stefan…" I growled

He stayed quiet from then on as we walked down to the cafeteria. When we walked in there were a few nurses and her doctor.

"Go sit I'll get it for you." He said

I just smiled and nodded. I knew that he didn't want to feel useless and I wanted to tell that in no way was he useless. In every way was he there for me. slowly moving over to the table where my doctor was I sat down. He looked up at me and a look of sympathy crossed his eyes.

"Please don't." I said "I'm fine."

"Miss McCullough you-"

"I know and it's okay. Well it's not okay but in a way it is." I said

He was going to say that I didn't have much longer but I didn't need him to tell me that. What I needed was to hear something good. Something so that I wouldn't cry and never stop. I wanted to feel better but I couldn't do it here.

"I'm going home today." I said

"Miss-"

"If you want me to be comfortable I can't be here." I said "I'm going home."

He nodded then I saw Stefan sit beside me with a tray in his hands. Looking at all the food on it I just sighed wondering if I could even manage eating all of it. but grabbing a fork I started up on the eggs.

~Elena~

Opening my eyes I yawned and then stretched. Looking over at Bonnie's bed it was empty.

"Oh god. Where is she?" I said startled

"Relax Stefan took her to the cafeteria. She was hungry." Damon said

"Hmmm?" Matt said as he started coming around

"What are you doing here?" I asked realizing that him and Meredith were both here

"We got a phone call a few hours ago and came as fast as we could." Meredith answered as she stood and looked at Damon

I turned and looked at him feeling a little shocked.

"I was going to call them later."

"Yeah well bonnie needs all of the people she loves now and I figured it would be a good idea." He said in a low voice

I smiled a little.

"You're not so bad after all." I said

He just pulled me close into a hug then kissed the top of my head.

"Apparently we missed more than what's going on with Bonnie." Matt said with a little edge to his voice

~Bonnie~

Walking back to my room I saw Matt leaning against the wall and Meredith and Elena going on and on about what sounded like the things we had been through about two months ago.

"Matty." I whispered

He looked up at me and I saw the heartwarming smile that always made my stomach do back flips. He made his way over and pulled me into a big hug. When he let go I felt my breathing shorten and the room started spinning. As I started to lose balance I felt someone from behind me grab me around the waist and steady me. I leaned back into him knowing who it was.

Stefan just lifted me up off my feet and laid me in bed.

"Bon I've missed you so much." Meredith said as she took my hand

I could see she was on the verge of tears.

"I've missed you too." I replied smiling

I felt so tired anymore and I wished I wasn't.

"So when you going to get better huh?" matt asked

I just smiled at his question. He was trying to lighten the mood and I loved that about him.

"Soon." I answered "But I'm ready to go home now."

Sitting up I started to stand.

"Bonnie these people can help you get better." Stefan tried

"Stefan you and I can make her better in no time and you know it." Damon protested

"No." I said sternly

The room went silent.

"You give me vampire blood and you won't be able to stop giving it to me for long time to the point where I will probably become a junky. It would have to reach through all of my body and right now it's pretty bad. So no I don't want their treatments or yours. I just want to go home." I said

"Then let's get you home." Matt said

He helped me stand then as my knees gave out he picked me up and just carried me out. Then he turned in the doorway.

"We'll see you guys at the boarding house." He said

~Stefan~

I watched as Matt carried the porcelain girl out of the room.

"I'll ride with Mere." Elena said then left with her

I just sat back down in the chair. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Not like this. She wouldn't die from something….so human. Why didn't she ever tell anyone?

"She didn't say anything because the last thing she needed was even more protection and she didn't want to miss the chance to help her best friends." Damon answered

"Stay out of my head." I growled

I was beyond tears or at least I thought I was. Because at the moment I was pissed.

"Don't be mad Steffy it's just another death. You've seen several among the years. This shouldn't be any different."

"It's different and you fucking know it!" I yelled as I threw him against the wall

"Good. Then I guess it shows you have a heart." He said "Because acknowledging love is acknowledging the fact that there is also death. And you little brother never acknowledged that."

"And you did?" I hissed

"I did. Remember the second time Elena died because of Katherine? There was a reason I wanted to be left alone." He said

Then he stood and brushed himself off and walked out.

~Bonnie~

The drive was awkward and quiet.

"Please say something. You not talking is rather uncomfortable." I said

"Sorry. I just don't know what to say?"

"Well how's that football scholarship working out?" I asked

"It's going well surprisingly."

"Good."

"Why didn't you get out?" he asked

"What do you mean?"

"You had a chance to get out and you didn't. Why?"

"I never had a chance Matt. I am who I am. And what I am is a witch. Plus I hear it doesn't look good on a college application." I replied

He chuckled a little and I realized he was trying to hold back tears.

"I was okay with where I was at. I was a part of something." I added

A sudden feeling within made my stomach twist sharply causing me to lean forward wrenching in pain.

"Bonnie!" Matt yelled as he pulled over

Opening the door I fell out onto my hands and knees. before I had a chance to hold it back my breakfast came back up. Matt rushed out and held my hair back.

"This shouldn't be happening." He said

I just tried my best to not cry out as my stomach felt like it was being twisted in all sorts of directions.

"Not to you."

After a few more minutes of just sitting there the pain went down and I got back into the car. Matt just stood there for a second then came back. As the car started going I fell asleep leaning against the nice cool window.

~Stefan~

When Matt finally got here he was carrying bonnie in his arms.

"She fell asleep." He said

I quickly took her from him and he went and sat down by Elena.

"I'll get her upstairs. She's going to want to be comfortable." I said flatly and walked up the stairs

I laid her down in my bed and pulled the covers over top of her. I laid down on top of the covers and put my arms around her. She shivered as I did.

"Don't go. I want you here with me." she pleaded

She didn't let go of my hand but held it closer. I could her heartbeat and when I tried to pull away it only sped up terrified. Against my better judgment I laid back down next to her and held her close. I was more terrified of breaking in the state she was in more than anything. With a simple touch I could kill her and it broke me inside knowing that.

"I'm afraid…" she started

"Afraid of what?" I asked

"I'm afraid of you." She said

"I don't understand."

She turned over to face me.

"I have never been more terrified yet more…"

The words couldn't come to her. And as I watched her try to think of them I saw her eyes start to water.

~Bonnie~

I couldn't find the words. Were there words for what I was trying to say? It was flustering me and yet he just sat there patiently. But still the words weren't coming to me.

Gently I felt him wipe away the tears that began to form.

"You don't have to do this Stefan. You don't have to act." I said

He didn't need to be here for the girl who was dying pathetically when he could be finding someone else who was very alive and wasn't starting to look like Jack Skellington. He looked at me it disbelief.

"I am perfectly happy being right here with-"

"Just stop." I pleaded

I didn't want to hear anymore.

"I won't stop. I won't go away. I will be right here with you." He said

Now crying he took hold of me and held me close.

"Please…" I begged

"No Bonnie."

There were many things I didn't want to let go of. And so many goodbyes I had yet to write in a letter. I didn't want to do either of them. I wanted to go back and fix all of it so I didn't have to be this way.

_Bonnie. Look at me._

As I did I felt his lips on mine. It wasn't rough and it wasn't so gentle that I could hardly feel it. But he kissed me like he wanted me. Feeling him shift so his body was over mine I felt his hands move against along my body. To tell the truth I could barely feel the sweet touches he gave. His breathing was ragged as he trailed kisses down my neck. And yet I still couldn't stop myself from crying. His eyes mine and as he wiped them away.

"You don't have to-" I started but he only silenced me with his lips

I didn't want to go where he couldn't follow.

_As ridiculous and fake as it may sound to you I have fallen for the witch._

I heard it as a gentle voice and just closed my eyes as he undid the hospital gown I was still in.

~Matt~

Sitting in the living I felt like I wanted to scream. The urge to was becoming more and more difficult to put aside. Then all of the sudden a glass of what looked like scotch was handed to me.

"Thanks." I muttered as I took it from Damon

He just nodded then poured himself a glass.

"Maybe we should check on them." I said

"Look believe it or not they're going to want to be alone for quite awhile so they can face this. It's not easy moving from one person you loved to someone else willing to take the sacrifice of being number two. There's just things they need work out before time runs out." He said

"What do you mean? Can't you guys just-"

"No we can't. We do there's a 90% chance she dies instead of changing." He said

"What good are you then? There's a chance you can save somebody. Somebody each and every one of us loves and you don't want to?" I said

I was on the verge of getting up and hitting him and if he happened to snap and break my neck well then at least the pain would be lessened.

"She doesn't want it! And I can't force her! I just can't!" he yelled in my face

Then he turned and instead of drinking from the glass in his hand he threw it into the fireplace. Feeling completely numb I looked over at the vampire who had sunken down onto the couch. Tears fell down his face and he didn't even bother to stop them.

~Damon~

I knew he saw them but I didn't care. I sucked inside a memory all my own.

*_"Damon-"_

_Instantly meeting her eyes. The beautiful deep green and I thought of the moment she was more than willing to die for him. To die for us. she was terrified but it never stopped her. if was afraid of letting her in but I knew there's was a chance she already understood. Feeling hesitant for a split second I put the walls that had fallen for the few moments back up and walked away leaving her there with her friends in the cold.*_

The memory was fresh in mind because that's when it started. She was one of the first people I had let inside if only for a moment. I hadn't even let my brother in before her. She had this way of getting inside without even having to use the witchiness. Her heart was too big which was her greatest strength but also her downfall. I wouldn't forget that. I don't think any of us would.


	20. In My Arms

~Elena ~

Weeks went by and she only got worse. About two weeks ago she wasn't able to get out of bed because she only got weaker. Damon rarely went u p to see her and when he did he'd come back downstairs looking even paler than before, Meredith and Matt would usually go up and see her together but they preferred to do it when she was asleep. I was up there constantly hoping that each moment I was there with wouldn't be the last. Stefan never left her side once but barely ever said anything to anyone. He just laid there beside half asleep and half awake with her fragile hand within his. Sometimes at night I'd hear him in another room either breaking down or hitting a wall.

The only one who was positive about this was Bonnie but I didn't think it counted being she was the one on the death bed. She didn't care anymore. She was beyond caring and beyond being scared.

"Hey Bon." I said as I entered her room

She just put a finger to her lips motioning to be quiet then sunk her tiny hand into Stefan's hair. His head was lying on her stomach while he seemed to be sleeping. She didn't take her eyes off of him. she just watched as he slept.

I moved to sit in the chair I usually sat in by the bed.

"So how are you feeling?" I whispered

"I feel good today. I really do." She answered

I looked down at my lap avoiding her small smile that I was sure it hurt.

"Elena…" she started

I looked up.

"Don't. Don't you feel sorry and don't ever regret anything." She said in nearly a whisper

"But if I hadn't been paying so much attention to myself I would've seen it. I would've known." I said starting to sob

"No you wouldn't have." She said

"But-"

"No… it's okay. I don't really care anymore." she said "And you shouldn't either. I've been trying to tell you all to act like this isn't even happening but you make it nearly impossible."

I took a deep breath.

"It's kind of hard when you're lying in bed and haven't been able to get up for nearly two months." I said

"Well let's see if I can fix that." She said

"Bonnie don't." I started

She waved me off. She pushed back the covers and Stefan stirred a little.

"Just go back to sleep." She told him

But he just looked up at her with groggy eyes. As she started moving for the edge of the bed I stood ready to catch her. Stefan was up too wondering what she was doing. She flung her legs over the side and pushed off so she was standing. Then all of the sudden she got wobbly and started to fall.

Stefan was right there when she did.

"You need to be in bed resting." He said as he picked her up

"Put me down I want to be up. I should be up and around instead stuck in bed." She said

He sighed in defeat and set her back on her feet. She just smiled lightly and I watched as he caressed her ivory cheek with his eyes not leaving hers. I used to crave moments like that. Sometimes I regretted letting Stefan go. But it was always quickly forgotten.

She walked toward the bathroom and closed the door. Stefan sat back on the bed letting his head fall into his hands. a few minutes later Bonnie came out dressed in jeans and a nevy blue top.

"So where to then?" she asked

"Wait what?" Stefan asked as his head shot up

"You don't expect me to stay in the house do you?" she asked

"It's not a good-"

"It's never a good idea I know." She said as she rolled her eyes

"You don't understsand…" Stefan started

"I understand you want to hold me here against my will. And I can't stay in here forever plus I haven't felt this good in a very long time. So please?"

Was she begging?

He just sighed and started towards the door with her hand in his.

~Bonnie~

As we got downstairs Matt stood up with a shocked look on his face.

"I must say it's a surprise to you up and moving." He said

"I figure it would be good to be up and around." I said as leaned on Stefan

He smiled a little but I could tell it was forced.

"Well I'm going out so if you want to come you can if not you can all just sit here and sulk." I said and walked towards the door

I let go of Stefan's hand and walked out the front door. the sun nearly blinded me as I stepped out on the porch.

"Easy now." Stefan said

I felt him wrap his arms around my waist.

"So where to Red?" I looked over to see Damon leaning back against the wall

To be honest I didn't know. The only thing I wanted was to get out of the house and now that I was out I didn't where I wanted to go. Then I heard Damon snort.

"You wanted out and now you don't know what to do. Very classic." He said

I started to laugh too even though it hurt a little.

"Yeah I guess so." I mumbled "I feel like going to France."

"What?" Stefan asked

"Well Elena went a few years ago and said it was amazing. I always wondered what it would be like."

"France is for people who are looking for love and if I'm correct you already found it." he said

"Oh really?" I asked

"Oh really." He confirmed as he nuzzled my neck making me giggle

Then all of the sudden he started pulling me along.

"You have something planned don't you?" I asked looking at him skeptically

"Whatever could you mean?" he asked pretending to be clueless

He just smiled at me and pulled me along. I wasn't sure where we were going but he did. then after what felt like a lot of walking he stopped and turned to me.

"Is this it? Us standing on the side of the road in the middle of the Old Wood?" I asked

He didn't say anything but just picked me up. I still felt confused beyond belief. But then all of the sudden in one huge we were in a clearing and my stomach turned a little.

"You okay?" he asked as he set me to my feet

"Just a little confused I think." I said

Then I felt myself start to fall. Stefan caught me and settled to the ground holding me. I leaned back into him as he wrapped his arms around me.

"You don't remember?" he asked

"I remember a lot of things from this place." I answered

"This was where I figured out that I wanted you. That I wasn't letting you go." He said

"And here I thought you were just trying stop me from committing suicide." I said

He chuckled.

"Do you know how much longer?" he asked

The way he asked sounded as he was dying himself. He didn't want to ask and I knew the question wasn't from him.

"Not long…I'm getting more and more tired." I said

It was quiet after that answer. We reveled in it. Just the quietness of being here and it being just us.

"You ready to let go?" I asked

"I won't. I promise." He breathed into my ear

I closed my eyes knowing the tears were on the edge threatening to spill. He just held me tighter and I knew that maybe if he held me tighter I might not go. I knew he thought that because so did I.

"I don't want to go. Not when I have something good now." I muttered

He didn't say anything and I knew there weren't words. I buried my face in his arm and felt him lay his head on me.

"It's not fair." I cried

He turned me so that I was facing him.

"What happened to wanting to act like nothing was wrong?" he asked

"Didn't know I had to be so collected around you." I said

He took my face into his hands and brought my lips to his. He wiped the wetness from my eyes and held me to his chest.

"It'll be-"

"If you it'll be okay I will seriously hit you." I said

He chuckled.

After a while we headed back. And when we got back to the boarding house Elena and Matt were sitting outside. I just smiled at them as if nothing were wrong. Then as I walked through the front door and started for the stairs Stefan picked me up and started carrying me up.

"Oh so I don't get to walk now?"

"You've been walking all day." He protested

I just leaned my head against him and closed my eyes. When we made it back to his room he laid me down on the bed. He pulled my top up over my head and tossed it to the floor then did the same to the rest of my clothing. I was feeling completely exhausted that I didn't even have the energy to do it myself. Then I felt him lay down next to me and I still shivered from the coolness of his skin. But I took his hand and held it close to my chest. Things were beginning to fade and I knew it. Hell, I could feel it.

I wasn't ready, not now. I wanted to see so many things.

I still had plans to go to one of Matt's football games and to watch Meredith get married. I wanted the chance to leave this town behind. There were so many things. But everything felt darker and heavier. And I was feeling so tired.

Then I felt him kiss my shoulder gently and it was as if it sent a shock through me.

Yes, I thought. Please just keep me here with you. But it wasn't enough because I still felt myself giving out. I tried to hold on tighter to him but I didn't think he could feel it.

~Stefan~

I could feel her heart slowing.

"Bonnie." I said but I didn't receive an answer

Sitting up I held her against me. Not now, I thought.

_Stefan…_

I couldn't stop myself as tear fell. I was losing her.

_Stay with me._

Her body was growing colder. I had never felt more useless than I did now.

"Come on. please." I pleaded

"Stefan?"

I looked up to see Meredith in the doorway. Then Elena and Matt came in.

_I'm trying Stefan just don't let go. Please? _

Her thoughts were loud enough that when I looked at the others they seemed to have heard them too. Elena slid down the wall and was holding herself as she cried. Meredith was frozen as if she couldn't believe what was happening and was refusing to. Matt crouched down to hold Elena.

"Baby come on just stay." I whispered into her hair

_I'm so tired._

"Bonnie…" Meredith cried

Her got slower and eventually it just stopped.

"No…" I breathed

Looking down at her pale limp body I shook her. She was gone and there was nothing we could do. A wave of guilt crashed over me. It was my fault. She could've moved on but I did this.

_I would've stayed either way._

The voice was clear but gone the second the words were sent to me.


	21. The Letter That Moves On

~Damon~

Meredith and Mutt didn't stay after the funeral and to be honest I couldn't blame them. If I had it my way I would've been gone as well but I couldn't leave Elena here. Each night she cried herself to sleep and I didn't know what to do. Stefan on the other hand didn't say anything. It was like he wasn't even in there.

"Elena." I said

She looked at me with the dark circles under her eyes which said that she hadn't had a good night's sleep in weeks.

"Maybe we should leave even if only for a little while."

"We can't Stefan needs us." she said as she leaned her head on my shoulder

"I can't stay here and watch you both kill yourself." I said

"It takes time Damon. It all takes time. It's not easy for any of us." she said as she drifted off into a restless sleep

After a few minutes I took her upstairs and laid her down. Then I walked back downstairs to pour myself a drink. Stefan walked in through the front door.

"I see you've returned." I said

He didn't say anything. He took a quick look at me then headed for the study.

"Wait." I said as I grabbed him by the arm "You can't keep doing this to yourself."

"Let go." He said

"And he speaks. You can't just do this to yourself."

"I said let go!" he yelled as he grabbed me by the throat and slammed me against the wall

"Someone's been drinking human blood again." I said chuckling

He let go.

"Just go." He said in a low voice "There's no reason to be here. Take Elena and leave. If you don't I'll throw you out myself."

He walked into the study and locked the door behind him.

~Stefan~

I sat back in the chair I've been sitting in for the past week in the dark. I haven't felt anything but the numbness. I watched as the rest of the world lived and I sat here letting it. Not like I had a reason to go on.

Then all of the sudden Damon busted the door in.

"You better snap the fuck out of it. There are other people here who miss her just as much but you know what? They try to move on. We all do so maybe you should too." he growled

I just stood up and walked past him. He kept going on about how hard it was for everyone but I didn't really care. He went quiet real quickly as the fire place blazed then something came flying out of it. I turned to see a piece paper on the floor. We both just stared at it as it sat there on the floor. Damon leaned down and picked it up opening it.

"It's for you." He said as he handed it to me

I hesitated before taking it. Then opening it I fell back into a chair.

_If your reading this then the inevitable had happened hasn't it? I wrote this a few months ago hoping it would never have to be sent. But at least I couldn't be more right. I died young and beautiful in my coffin. I know it's not funny. _

_Me of all people never wanted to write this but I knew there were going to be so many things I wanted to say that I wouldn't have the chance to. Things that I wasn't even sure I could ever say. Like how much I had fallen in love with you or that if I had the chance I would've wanted to spend my eternity with you. I wouldn't have wanted more. But then the more I thought about it the more I realized that I didn't need an eternity. I just needed you and I got that. I was happy. I had someone. He didn't think of me as childish, he didn't look at me as child but as much more. He loved me. It wasn't till the moment your green eyes met mine and asked what is was that made someone love another that I was okay with being your second choice. I never once regretted anything until I knew it was you. I regretted knowing how short time was and the fact that I couldn't give you everything you deserved. But I never regretted once saying that I wanted you. _

_I can't let you sit in a dark room the rest of your life like you did with Elena so by the time you're done reading this letter which I have put a charm on you will have started moving on. And it's okay to move on because I want you too. Who knows you just might find something you didn't expect I know I did._

_ -Bonnie_

Looking up from the letter I felt a small bit of relief hit me. And as much as I didn't want to feel okay, as much as I wanted to be broken I didn't feel it anymore. I felt as if a small weight had been lifted from me. She shouldn't have done this. It's not fair. Yet here I was feeling as if it was okay that she died in my arms, that it was okay that i heard her last words and heartbeat. the feelings came back as if whatever spell that was on the paper wore off. I didn't know if I could do it.

**And that's the end. I know you guys probably won't like it but that's it. But please review I would really like it.**


	22. Honestly?

**Trisha Russell** **your review made me laugh to be honest but you must understand that not every story in the world can have a happy ending. I'm sorry to say so but it is true. This is the final chapter of this story. I know it says complete already but this makes it complete, I promise.**

~Stefan~

It was just another morning. Another morning I felt numb. There was no hunger, there was just nothing. I would go to see her today.

Getting up I sighed and walked towards the bathroom with the intention of getting a shower then stopped in front of the mirror. I had dark circles under my eyes and a paler reflection then usual as if I hadn't seen the sun in ten years.

"Stefan?" Elena called from the other side of my bedroom door.

I didn't answer. More than anything I just wished she would go away. She got what she wanted and yet deep down I think that was why I was angry with her a little. She got what she wanted and I couldn't get what I wanted. I lost her while Elena didn't lose anything.

I walked into the bathroom and shut the door and turned on the shower. Even though the cold water hit my skin I didn't feel it. Afterwards I walked out past Elena ignoring her presence like I had been doing a lot lately. She just wouldn't leave me alone and I wished Damon would get her away from me before I got the urge to throw her out a window. Damon didn't think I'd do it but I was coming pretty close.

"You can't ignore the world Stefan just because she's gone. We're all hurting here not just you." Elena said as she followed me downstairs

I huffed and walked out the front door slamming it in her face. Finally her voice was out of my ear.

I kept walking till I got to the cemetery. I looked for her and looked for her. About fifteen minutes later I had found her. I thought I could see her and not cry. I thought I could see and I would be okay to see her. But right then and there I crumbled and fell to my knees as my head fell into my hands. If I had known sooner she could still be alive. There would've been a forever. There would've been a chance.

But she didn't and therefore we didn't stand a chance. No matter how hard I fought for her it didn't matter. We…I didn't get my happy ending. My happy ending was her. Only her. She gave me something. She gave me what I needed, what I craved then took it away just as quick.

"How could you do this to me." I muttered angrily "How could you show me that then leave me in the darkness."

I blamed her now. I don't know why but I was just angry. She was gone and I was angry at her for it.

"What did you want from me Stefan?"

I turned at the sound of her voice. She sat on a random stone behind me.

"I wanted you to stay!" I yelled

"Yeah well so did I but I guess I wasn't allowed." She said calmly

How was she so calm and even more how was she even here? I didn't know how to take this.

"What is wrong with you! You died Bonnie." I growled "You died and left me here…alone."

"I'm sorry Stefan. That wasn't my intention. Hell, my only intention was to love you. That's all I wanted…all I needed."

She stood up in front of me.

I looked up at her and she still seemed so serene as if nothing bothered her. As if her death was nothing. I stood up now myself and walked closer to her. Could I touch her?

"Stefan…" she said "I miss you so much…"

I reached out to touch her and actually made contact.

"You're real…"

She just shook her head.

"No Stefan I'm not. I am your own mind."

"But-" I started

She put a finger to my lips.

"I love you and I always will. You know that." She said "But…it's time to let go."

I felt her hand take mine without realizing it was the one with my ring on it as she caressed my cheek with her other hand.

"Just close your eyes." She said her voice now quivering

I did as she asked and felt the ring start to slide off. I could feel it yet I didn't stop her. Why didn't I stop her? I didn't even want to. I kept my eyes closed as she slid it off even further and felt the sun's weight become even heavier. We'd be together again was all I thought. Because if we weren't then it would be an eternal hell that I knew I probably deserved.

"It'll be us again." he whisper came as the sun beat even harder on me

The sun took me quicker than I thought and all my thoughts went blank as did the world I once knew.

~?¿Bonnie¿?~

I watched as the vampire burned alive. The smirk on my face turning to a grin. I won, I always won. As the rest of him crumbled I chuckled.

"If I don't get her nobody does…Now you're both together." I said coldly as I walked over his ashes past the witch's grave

Did they honestly think they could kill a god? Haha well they were very wrong. The smile on my face widened over my great achievement. It was an interesting challenge but I had brought down the star crossed lovers for my own amusement no less. And it was definitely worth it.

As I was reached the cemetery's gate I changed from the form of the witch. The fun memories of the whole conquest ran through my mind as I walked out of the grave yard.

"Hell of an ending." I said to myself still smiling over my triumph as I disappeared to ruin someone else's life.

Who knows? I just might go after that vampire's brother.

**I figured I would change it up. A good twist I hope. Review and tell me what you think. Ideas, criticism, and praises all welcome. Just hit the button there.**


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